Sarah Palin’s folksy, self-proclaimed description of herself, followed by her assertion that the only difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull is lipstick – therefore publicly admitting that she walks on four legs, has eight nipples, a tail and greets her friends by sniffing their assholes. (And within the Tea Party, that’s a whole lot of sniffing!)
Man 1: Let’s put some lipstick on that pitbull and turn it into a hockey mom.
Man 2: Better yet, let’s put some lipstick and glasses on it and turn it into Sarah Palin!
When John McCain and the GOP launched their ‘America First’ campaign in 2008, it soon became painfully obvious that it was nothing more than a campaign slogan with the ‘demographic over qualifications’ pick of Sarah Palin as his running mate. Within a matter of days it became evident that Palin had no concept of what the vice president’s job entailed, no insight to the political arena beyond the “Leaving Wasilla” road sign in south-central Alaska and was very poorly read.
Palin cost McCain the election and was snubbed by the Republican Party. So what’s a pitbull in lipstick to do? Write a book, quit your job, pack up the Governor’s Mansion, and hit the road to stir the ‘Real Americans’ into a psychotic frenzy by promising them a way to ‘Take Back America.’
Two years later, through a politically cruel twist of fate for the GOP, Sarah Palin, along with such pseudo celebrities as Glen Beck, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, now commands the largest contingent of misfits in the history of American politics – The Tea Party – and they’re splitting the Republican Party right down the middle.
Although the Tea Party doesn’t yet have the numbers to win seats in the big elections, they do have the numbers to take votes away from the other candidates so they can’t win them either – and where are most of these votes coming from? The Republican Party. How’s that for Political Karma?
A dozen-word compilation describing a person who exhibits only positive traits. He or she is sincere, intelligent, competent, respectful, tolerant, unbiased, empathetic, genuine, delightful, loving, sophisticated and trustworthy.
When the letters that spell Nilap Haras are reversed, it reveals a person exhibiting the exact opposite characteristics, and is sarcastic, ignorant, incompetent, disrespectful, narrow-minded, bigoted, unfeeling, deceptive, obnoxious, hateful, backwoods and corrupt.
Man 1: I wish I could find a woman who is Nilap Haras!
Man 2: Doesn’t everyone?
The study of the American political system in the early twenty-first century as it mutated from Democrat versus Republican and Liberal versus Conservative to the Sane versus the Insane – coinciding with the introduction of Sarah Palin and the inception of the Tea Party.
Man 1: I just signed up for a class to study how Sarah Palin screwed up everything for the Republican Party by stirring up the crazies and setting the stage for the Tea Party movement.
Man 2: I took Palintology last semester. It’s hard to believe those people can walk and chew gum at the same time!
Whenever you find yourself in a situation that feels like it may escalate from a simple misunderstanding or disagreement into something worse – and you’re really not in the mood, just remember these four little words. This just might be the simplest phrase ever conceived to stop a potential argument dead in its tracks.
M: You’re going to go past it! I said it was on the right!
R: No, you said it was on the left.
M: No, I distinctly told you that it was on the…
R: Game over, you win!
A Michael Steele Second is destined to replace the New York Second as the smallest measurable amount of time in the universe.
A New York Second is defined as the time between a traffic light turning green in New York City and the cab driver behind you honking his horn.
A Michael Steele Second is defined as the time between President Obama leaving the Executive Office of the President of the United States and the firing of Michael Steele as the Chairman of the Republican National Committee.
Man 1: If I were offered that job, I’d have said yes in a Michael Steele Second!
Man 2: You and me both!
The act of flipping a roll of toilet paper around on its holder, so the paper comes off from the back of the roll, instead of the front.
“Man, I spun that roll a dozen times before I realized you had done a roll reversal on me!”