Also known as K-ville, K*Vegas, or Bumfuck, U.S.A., Kernersville provides the perfect setting for you to feel isolated yet claustrophobic at the same time…ultimately leading to a higher rate of suicide in teens than most small towns. Home to such bands as Beloved and Down On Luck, Kernersville has a surprising amount of musical talent within its limits. Other than that Kernersville has been described as the black hole of the universe. Being as it is thirty minutes away from civilization in three directions, I like to think of Kernersville as being the center of the new Bermuda Triangle. You go in…you don’t come back out. If you don’t get out when it’s time for you to go to college, you will never leave and thus you will doom yourself to a life of boring mediocrity as well as increase the number of people in the city who are related to each other. Remember, don’t talk bad about Billy-Bob Jr. because he’s cousins with half the town. And yes it’s true, the only thing to do at night is race shopping carts in the Wal-Mart parking lot then try to outrun the little security guard when they come up and tell you to stop. On top of everything else, the saddest statement about Kernersville is this. Whenever newcomers visit our town we show them three things: (1) Korner’s Folly, the big dilapidated building the town’s founders lived in; (2) The new stoplight intersection, months of backed up traffic just so a light could turn red and make getting to school or work even harder on that two stoplight street; and (3) the new Sheetz gas station, because a town with something that big and shiny must be something special!
When asked about my hometown the conversation normally goes as follows:
Sally: “So where are you from?”
Me: “Well Sally, I’m from Kernersville.”