3 definitions by Mr. Response

Top Definition
A program started in the 1920's to 1930's to support women who's job was to stay home and take care of the kids and run the house. Women were not allowed or encouraged to work, and as so, were unable to support themselves after a divorce. Somehow, the program has continued until this day, since the modern woman is apparently still unable to care for herself, or provide for herself. The system is flawed in several ways, the main one being that if the modern day family decides to keep the "mom/honey bunny" at home, the dad must usually find a high paying job or work much overtime to make up the missing income from his loving spouse staying at home. Its a good deal the first year as mom has playdates for the kids, dinner on the table, clean house, etc. After the novelty of marrige for the woman has worn off, after about 12 months, The downward spiral begins. Mom stops cooking, spends the day out shopping with friends, banging everyone but their husband, no dinner cooked when the husband gets home, and sure as hell no clean underware in the drawer. Credit card debt starts just to pay the monthly bills, Husband tries to get MORE overtime to keep credit cards from building and that helps for a while. Just want to make honey bunny happy and give her everything she desires...right?! After year #3 the husband starts to think in the back of his mind that they are in trouble, Wifey poo knew after the first year when she started banging the mail man, cable guy, and everyone at the local bar. Creditcard debt is at the $20,000 - $30,000 range due to numerous Home Shopping Network purchases ( I mean, what else the fuck is she suppose to do when she is at home, alone, all day???)Eventually, she gets one of her fuck buddies to propose to her, I mean the worthless son of a bitch she has been married to is never home, always working, and always bitching about the bills. "Bastard never gives me any money" is a common chant...and a justification to start stashing the grocery money every week and start putting that bill on the credit card too. Divorce comes, and of course the lifestyle that your little princess has become accustomed to needs to continue, so alimony needs to start. She gave you the best years of her life, stayed home so she could......well, stayed at home and could not enter the work place so you owe her, big time. Of course with her nursing degree she can get a job anywhere (that was paid for by you too!) but she could not possibly continue to be a member of the country club on her $60,000 a year salary. Of course the Alimony amount is figured on your 2 job, 80 hour a week income as well as the child support. Your now 40 year old Ex wife still bitches constantly because she does not get 100% of your paycheck, is in another shitty relationship, only refers to you as dead beat dad! to your kids (because it somehow helps her self esteem) and is pissed because you are banging a 23 year old sweet thing, and she is STILL up to her saggy tits in creditcard debt!
Ex Wife: Ohhh, my Alimony check is here, lets go shopping
Ex Wifes Friend: Sounds like a plan, how much you got?
Ex Wife: I get $1500 plus $1500 child support.
Ex Wifes Friend: Damn!!! What a deal
Ex Wife: I know, I know. Im trying to get my new boyfriend to propose so I can do it again. I figure I will have 3 or 4 ex's before its all said and done. That will be some serious bank!!!
Ex Wifes Friend: Amen sister. Men are such assholes huh?
Ex Wife: Tell me about it. Pass me another bon-bon and lets get HSN on the TV.....Kiiiiids, get mama another beer!
by Mr. Response February 15, 2006
A support plan for a parent (always the father regardless of the situation) to help with expenses of their children after divorce. Unfortunatly, it is based on laws written when mothers could not enter the workforce, and had no way to provide for their children. It is necessary for parents that do not have joint custody, but these days with split (50 - 50) custody, women are still awarded child support, for some unknown reason, and still bitch about it on a daily basis. Along with their Alimony payment, its a potential windfall taking a year or so to plan out. Generally, a child support seeker does this multiple times and ends up having 6 kids from 3 different fathers, and no longer has to work. Of course she is still unhappy, wonders why she is alone, and how did she manage to pick three losers in a row??? To help with her self esteem issues, she refers to the ex towards her children as dead beat dad!. This makes her feel superior, influences the kids (until they get older and realize mom was never anything more than a life support system for a pussy in the first place and never really contributed anything to society other than helping stimulate the economy with someone elses money.) As time goes on, and child support and Alimony payments dry up, they are forced to attempt to enter the work force again, only to find that you can't get a job that pays you to do nothing but bitch and sit on that ever expanding ass watching soap operas all day. Their job experience consist of working at Mc. Donalds when they were 16, and a professional waste of life from the date of marrige to present.
Ex Wife: I need some extra money for the kids Dr. Appointment this week.
Ex Husband: I dont understand. I have the exact same expenses you do, we share the kids 50 - 50, and I pay you child support and alimony on top of that. Then I have to split all medical bills too.
Ex Wife: You are such a piece of shit! Your a loser!
Ex Husband: You are getting all the money from me that you are going to get!!!!
Ex Wife: Why wont you work with me on this? Im trying to communicate with you?
Ex Husband: Sounds like you need to get married and divorced again so you can get even more of a free ride! You have 5 kids, 2 ex husbands and an ex boyfriend, dont have a job, and are a waste of carbon!!!
Ex Wife: Sob, sob, sob. Blah, blah, blah.
Ex Husband: Gotta go get ready and pack for my vacation with my kids and my new hootche mama. Do you wanna talk to the kids?
by Mr. Response February 15, 2006
A loosly coined phrase in an attempt to cast all blame on the divorce, kids problems, ex white trash...I mean wifes problems, etc. Of course the ex never had anything to do with any of the marriage problems. Was put through school by the "dead beat dad" and forgot what she ate or wiped her ass with while she was doing it. The phrase is used in place of "your dad" or "your father" when addressing the children. This is an attempt to cast away all blame on "Mom of the year" and cast all misfortune on "The dead beat dad". Using laws written in the 1920's and 1930's, perfect moms are able to go to court, get a sizable portion of "dead beat dads" paycheck, give him the honor of being able to see his kids every other weekend, or at the last minute when mama's "going out", then re-enforce to the kids with cute little comments like, "Too bad your dad wont spend more time with you", or "I know, I know. Your dad never has any money". This along with many other factors leaves the child with the impression that almighty mom is perfect and dead beat dad, is just that, a dead beat. I mean really, how hard is it to program a 3 year old when you have them 90% of the time and 15 years to work on them. As time progresses, mom of the year usually ends up being 45 years old, looking like hammered dog shit, 6 kids from 3 different dads (all of course are dead beats). She is drunk by 10am on scotch, but thats ok because she has a nice business that she should really incorporate, because all the checks comming in between child support and alimony is a pain in the ass to keep track of. Of course all her problems are associated with the ex's, kids are hooked on drugs, daily gang bangs, and drink like fishes, but hey, they learned from the best huh?! As her tax writeoffs...I mean income producers...I mean kids get older, this is all they know, so the cycle repeats itself. Of course its all the dead beat dads fault, because the "sorry bastard" never spent time with his kids, and if he wanted to see them more he should have fought in court for the right!
Kid#1 Hey pal, why dont you ever talk about your dad?
Kid#2 My mom says he's a dead beat dad and he only wants to see me every now and then.
Kid#1 It must be right if your mom says so huh?
Kid#2 Yea, must be. He never has any money and lives in a shitty apartment anyway.
Kid#1 Doesnt he drive like 3 hours to get you though?
Kid#2 Yea
Kid#1 Man, I wish my dad would spend 10 minutes with me. By the way, You sure have a lot of cool shit. iPod, PS3, clothes, skateboard, cell phone, and scooter.
Kid#2 Yea, my mom is so cool huh?
by Mr. Response February 15, 2006

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