703 definitions by Monkey's Dad
The primary source of gospel for Trump and his followers. Its televised news and opinions reflexively dismiss as 'a hoax' anything which does not accord with their worldview.
Glued day and night to the tv, he was comforted to to be told that the pandemic was a hoax, the Mueller investigations into Russian collusion were a hoax, the inquiries into obstruction were a hoax, the quid-pro-quo charges of enlisting foreign aid in an election were a hoax, the entire impeachment witch hunt was a hoax, accusation of violating emoluments clauses were... you guessed it, a hoax. Thanks to the folks at Fhoax News, he was ever and always in the clear.
by Monkey's Dad April 5, 2020
She had fallen for his whole 'I'm so kind to animals' thing. On their first date, happily sharing Impossible Burgers with him, she dropped her fork. At floor level, she saw his feet. "Hypocrite!" she screamed. Are those vegan leather? No! You are wearing meat loafers!" She grabbed her phone, unfriended him, and stalked off. Needing some comfort food, he signaled the waiter for a bacon cheeseburger.
by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020
Arriving home in Wichita from Princeton for the summer, Amber confided to her devoutly Methodist mother that she was equally in love with her 'friends' Jason and Jennifer. Shocked, and too unworldly to know that this was a transitory phase for many of the girls in Amber's class, her mother whispered the threat of bi-pass heart surgery to make her normal again.
by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020
They sat at six-foot intervals to hear their favorite Urban Legend. They knew it was not real, yet it entertained them to imagine people walking the streets, crowding together to eat and drink and listen to music, where 'school' was a building kids went to, together.
by Monkey's Dad March 23, 2020
A cost in lives.
Damage resulting from an event or practice.
Charge for a service or permission.
The sound of a bell rung at a steady interval.
Damage resulting from an event or practice.
Charge for a service or permission.
The sound of a bell rung at a steady interval.
by Monkey's Dad April 5, 2020
No, she did not want any chocolate, no, she did not need any more shoes, no, she did not have time to take a trip, and she already had three pale pink sweaters, so thank you but no. He saw she was a total no-it-all. And the day he stopped offering would be the day she'd change her tune and accuse him of being a know-it-all.
by Monkey's Dad April 19, 2020
The care a sports hero or movie star takes to maintain eye-contact and appear humble when expounding on something they know nothing about.
Asked his opinion on the impact of coronavirus on climate change, and also how it felt to see his new action flick streamed instead of released, he looked directly at the host, maintaining icon tact, and began cautiously to espouse his scientific theories.
by Monkey's Dad March 29, 2020