An astronomical body orbiting Cephari 337 that is mainly composed of processed lard. It has an orbital range of 50 AU, and is subject to many asteroid impacts (known as "migranes") caused by Valve's software engine "Source". Beasley has two moons (known as "children"), which have recently left the orbit with their "mother" to join another astronomical body, known as "Scott". Due to this break-up, Beasley has joined orbit with a degrading asteroid body known as "Army buddy's dad" in the Buckinham quadrant of the Milky Way.
Kid : Did you see Beasley last night?
Father: How the fuck could I not? It won't leave my apartment.