used to describe mentally retarded goons who rely heavily on NHS opticians. also suffer from bouts of depression resulting in violent outbursts. Usually loners with few or no friends.
Justin: Do you like my new glasses?
Paul: Haha, no! You look like Chumpstin von der cock!
Justin: Fuck you!! I'm gonna beat you like I beat my mum!
Kiran: Was that before or after I boned her?
Dave: You did too??
Paul: I'd get a check up if I were you lads, I fucked that slut and I've got aids now!!
Dave: Why do I have no mates?
AJ: What you all talking about guys?
All: FUCK OFF AJ YOU CUNT!!!
A socially inept person who finds it hard to make friends due to his lack of interesting conversation. Favourite topics for a gayjohn no mates are ms-dos, economic trends and boys. He may become useful as an antidote to insomnia.
"Oi lads, check out that fit blond!"
"Don't be crude...now, come look at this!! I just downloaded the complete ftse 100 for my new apple mac! It only takes up 50megabytes of ram on my hard drive AND it comes free with a daniel craig screensaver! I love it when he comes out the water!"
"(YAWN!!) You're such a gayjohn no mates! NOW FUCK OFF AND GET SOME MATES!!!"