115 definitions by Killing Kittens

soulmate

See instead Mr./Ms. Right .

I once met my soulmate. She was having dinner with an elf, a leprechaun, and a troll.

by Killing Kittens April 12, 2005

I love you

If spoken by a woman: "I Love the way I feel when you're paying attention to me."

If spoken by a man: "Let's have sex."

The only person who ever loved you was your mother.

by Killing Kittens April 28, 2005

religion

The marraige of philosophy, metaphysics, and literature. Really, for what more could you ask?

What's your religion?

by Killing Kittens June 26, 2004

writer

A plagiarist of life.

Every writer is a frustrated actor who recites his lines in the hidden auditorium of his skull.
--Rod Serling

by Killing Kittens October 24, 2004

Fuckface

A person with penises for eyes. Very inconvenient, as you can imagine, but perhaps they could be of use in the porn industry.

My friend Kevin once said to me, in a fit of drunken stupidity, "Dude, I wish my eyes were penises!"

Lo and behold, the fates decided to agree with his request and grant it in the most hideous manner possible, for when he awoke the next day, instead of gazing at the ceiling above him, an inflamed phallus emerged from each eyelid.

He soon found himself standing on street corners, destitude and holding up a cardboard sign that read "Please be my friend" while civilians passed by and laughed, for he couldn't hide his erections, and when limp, his new penis-eyes looked hideous as ever. Kevin sat down and began to weep, though it was naught but urine trickling down his cheeks.

Truly, a lesson is to be learned from all this: Be careful what you wish for!

by Killing Kittens October 20, 2004

Agnostic-Satanist

In other words, a complete moron.

The other definition speaks for itself.

by Killing Kittens November 16, 2004

mindfuck

A gimmicky, pretentious, and largely manipulative story-telling device.

Jacob's Ladder is a real mindfuck.

by Killing Kittens May 19, 2004