Jamie Douglas's definitions

comic gem

1. An occurance of high hilarity. This may be a phrase, action, put down or accident.

2. A precious stone carved into an amusing shape, like a phallus.

Richie: "Chris you douchebag - I'd try and make fun of you only I don't want to compete with nature!"
Tom: "Ha! That's a comic gem!"

"Look at this funny looking diamond in the shape of a plump rump - it's a comic gem!"

by Jamie Douglas November 23, 2006

cry baby

Contrary to the actual words used, a cry baby neither cries nor is an infant, but is a fully grown adult who whines too much and should know better.

A cry baby will normally complain about the most petty things, like there being no packets of brown sugar on their hotel room tea tray, the fact the train is four minutes late, and being dumped by their significant other.

The only acceptable way to deal with a cry baby is to pretend to physically cry when they start complaining, by rubbing ones eyes and quivering ones bottom lip in a totally OTT manner, followed by the put-down "don't cry about it".

Tubs: "Can you believe it, there's no haddock left down the chippy!"
Edward: "Boo-hoo, don't cry about it, cry baby!"

by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006

military golf

Means you're going: Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right ...

Another excellent golfing put down.

"Into the trees again boyo, I didn't realise we were playing military golf"

by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006

varnished monkey

Someones who's really vain and makes an unecessary effort with their appearance e.g. a well oiled, beautifully bronzed sunbather at a tourist resort, or a cool kid with too much gel in their hair. The phrase was first used in german (lackierter Affe), and is a lovely description of that loathsome type of person.

Arnie: "Check out my beautifully oiled biceps"
Sally: "Wow! You're a real varnished monkey!"

by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006

pannces

Alternate spelling of the word pants amongst the literati.

C'mon Jeeves, let's go down the public lavatories and writes cursewords on the wall like "pannces"

by Jamie Douglas December 7, 2006

po faced

Someone who is priggish, narrow-minded, disapproving or humourless.

Margret Thatcher, your old headmaster, traffic wardens, nightclub doormen and the Pope are all po faced

by Jamie Douglas December 6, 2006

shagged out

1) To be exhausted from a hard days work.
2) Unable to get wood due to excessive knobbing.
3) A gay phrase used by douchebags to try and make them believe they're having more sex than you.

Ben: "Ooooh yeah, after yesterdays exploits, I'm shagged out!"
Kevin: "What, those men tire you?"

by Jamie Douglas September 30, 2006