2 definitions by JS agnostic

Top Definition
Apparently a very misunderstood religion. Lets get the easy stuff out of the way first: "Mormon" becasuse they have ANOTHER TESTAMENT of JC titled "The Book of Mormon"; they only people practicing polygamy are "fundementalist Mormons" who are not associated with the Mormon Religion at all (Mormons are not polygamists); Actual name of the Church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, LDS for short; and last of all not all of them wear name tags or ride bikes.

Now Joseph Smith (founder) is believed to be a prophet, like moses or ezikiel. He is not worshiped only respected. They still have a prophet to day, who serves until he dies and then the next in line is chosen. He is believed to have been guided by a prophet from the past to a set of golden plates hidden in the woods of new york 100s of years ago. He excavated them, translated them and found them to COMPLIMENT the Bible not contridict it. And through many periods of Divine instruction formed what him and his followers belived to be the closest religion to what JC had when he was in Israel. The BoM does not contridict the bible except to those who interpret it to do so.

Church. They only go for Three hours each sunday, where they recieve instruction from each other not one assigned preacher. As well as partake of the sacrament, very similar to many other christian religions. During the week each age group has and Activity. (i.e. youth, adults, children) designed to enhance brotherhood and faith. Thats it.

Missions. A mission is a religous assignment from the chuch to spread their beliefs. Like many religions do conicidently. All are volutary. The missionary (can be man, women, elderly couple) chooses to go, pays for the whole she-bang and serves his/her time "tracting". They knock on your door and ask you if you want to hear about their church. 99% of all doors knocked on are by referal. (Actually is church policy now I think). So instead of taking it out on these youngmen and women take it out on your friends that probably gave them your name and address. A mission does not have to be served to go to heaven.

Heaven. They believe in three main divisions of heaven: telestial, terestial, and celestial. The equivelant of hell is "outer darkness" the only people who go there are those who know about god and jc and completely reject them as false. ALL others, really all of them (murders, war lords, hate mongers) have a place in one of the levels of heaven. All are paradisical in nature (except outer darkness which is exactly what it sounds like). In the lowest level you will find you hitlers, mureders and such. The second "good" people thats most of us. And last of all the top Celestial, where god himself resides. Those former mortals that live here are god like in all aspects. Advancement is possible, but you can only go up not down.

Big families. Can't really explain this one, they just like to fuck i guess. After marriage ofcourse.

Fact more mormons live in california than in utah. Another fact some world headquarter buildings are in las vegas. Although a high percentage of the population in Utah is mormon it is increasingly smaller every year.

Temples. They are not churches for regular worship. A certain degree of worhtiness must be established before entering. ( a simple interview with a leader about their lifestyle all taken on their word) The reason being is it is a model of heaven as they believe it. Also mormon sealings, not weddings, ocur here. Meaning the family is sealed together for all time and eternity so as to guaruntee there being together in heaven. And yes by proxy dead people can be sealed to living families. Oh and you have to be atleast 18 to enter unless you are a child being sealed to a parnet or a youth (12-17) that are performing proxt baptisms for the dead.

Baptism. Pretty much your run of the mill submersion into water. John the Baptist type of deal. Usually done at eight which is the age determined for a child to make his/her own informed decision ( as biased as it may be).

Over all beliefs> Treat others how you want to be treated, the heaven thing, THE BIBLE ( yes the no shit king james version bible), and any other testiment of JC (including but not limited to the BoM), Families are forever, all basic christian belief. And yes they are christian.

Sorry to burst all of those ignorant bubbles out there but Mormons are no more a cult that the baptists, presbytirian, methodist, Catholics, etc etc. just a normal christian faith with a less than normal beginning.

Don't get me wrong there are a few really pushy mormon assholes out there but there are a lot of pushy assholes from every religious sect out there.
An example would be that mormon kid at your school who you would never know he was mormon unless you asked him because he has none of the trademarks (666, horns, tail, baggy eyes from attending late night cult gatherings). Just a normal kid, perhaps even a friend, doing his best to get to heaven, like so many of you poor opiated souls out there.
by JS agnostic August 06, 2006
A mainly military term refering to a pot belly or gut.
After twenty years in the army the only thing he had to show for it was a chow blister from eating all day while the marines are working their asses off
by JS agnostic August 06, 2006

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