An email message sent to your circle of friends at work after the discovery of brown matter that didn't quite make it into the toilet bowl.
TURD ALERT … TURD ALERT … TURD ALERT
Alert Level: brown
Location: first stall, ladies room
Status: uncomfirmed (sorry, even with contacts I can’t identify suspect 100%)
MO: inconspicuously positioned to the left side of porcelain goddess; proceed with caution, and avoid stall numero uno at all costs