The Legend Of The Fat Git:
An enormous man who weighs 500 stone and has the combined body fat of 50 sumo wrestlers. He is rumoured to travel around the Scottish Highlands searching for something to shit on. A startled farmer in Scotland once found a pile of shit as big as the Ritz Carlton (see quote below) and he instantly knew it was the Fat Git's doing.
In the summer of 1982 seventeen distilleries were emptied by the Fat Git. He obviously has a taste for lager and chicken vindaloo.
Here's what to do if you meet the Fat Git:
1) (If he gets too close) try and hide yourself in his 60 folds of fat until he goes to sleep. You'll have plenty of leftover chicken curries to stay alive on.
2) Throw rocks at his fat and watch them rebound at great speeds. (It's good fun!)
3) Ask him what's the biggest shit he's ever produced. He'll bend over and show you.
4) Do not ask to smell his armpits.
"I saw the Fat Git's shit outside my house... it was the size of the Ritz Carlton but without all the windows! Large chunks were falling all over the place killing innocent sheep in the process."