1 definition by Dr. Geraldo Thesinger, P.h. D

Recto-Urethral Metamorphosis Syndrome

RUMS does not have to be the end of the world! It's only the spontaneous formation of an anomalous canal leading from the urinary bladder to the colon. There are various treatments and support groups available depending on how bad the piss coming out of your ass gets.

Various forms of anal neglect (ie. vigorous anal pounding, forgetting to wipe) are the impetus of the formation of a new aqueduct leading from the urinary tract to the puborectalis, a process known as anal fusion. No cure currently exists for RUMS. However, the following treatment options may relieve both you and your family of the grief, physical agony, and humiliation associated with anal drip:

• Anal scraping -- Use your physician-prescribed anal pen to remove any exterior lesions that may form around the sphincter. Make sure the blade is duly sharpened beforehand. Please use caution during this procedure, as intense scraping of the anal region may exacerbate the amount of piss coming from your ass.

• Rapid anal insertion (RAI)-- Insert the anal pen into your sphincter and leave it in place for 5 to 7 days. Repeat this process every 2 weeks until symptoms improve. Remove ONLY to defecate.

• Emergency Anal Sealant -- Apply a dime-size dollop of Dr. Thesinger's Quick Dry Anal Epoxy® around the sphincter whenever anal drip reaches a constant, painful stream. Do NOT apply ointment more than 5 times in 24 hours. Use as directed.

• Post-Anal Fusion Reconstructive Surgery (PAFRS): With the help of a break-through medical procedure known as PAFRS, doctors can successfully minimalize the daunting effects of RUMS. Once intensively tunneling into the sphincter with a laser-tipped anal pipette, doctors cauterize the aqueduct so as to divert all excess urine from the colon toward the urinary bladder; and away from the anus. This operation is reserved for patients with only the most severe cases of anal drip.

Consult your anal specialist for advice.

There's help!!
Counseling Hotlines:
1-800-244-6373
1-800-382-5277
RUMShelp@yahoo.com

For all your RUMS related needs!
There was this kid in my building who never wiped his ass. I heard he has RUMS now and can't stop pissing from his ass.
by Dr. Geraldo Thesinger, P.h. D March 30, 2009

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