"Friends don't let friends go to Miami."
"Today we salute you trendy
Miami girl. In your pointed-toes stilettos, you understand that
and cramped pinky
toes is a small price to pay for the approval of your peers. Sure, your Vera Bradley bag and oversized pearls may appear to have been stolen from your grandmother, but we rest assured that
your daddy bought them for you fair and square. And yes, you may be snobby to every guy that
appraoches you, but we know that
you're only doing
them a favor by helping them understand that
they are, in fact, gay. So here's to you trendy
Miami girl, because everyone knows that
behind your dyed blonde hair and falsely-tanned skin
there sits a real person in the driver seat
lexus SUV; and that
real person... is a pale brunette."