Chatham is a crap town located south of Springfield, IL in Central Illinois. Chatham is distinguished from the other crap towns in Central Illinois by its being one of the larger crap towns in the region and the Illinois Championship Cow Chip Throw. In Chatham, throwing cow chips is considered a fine art, not backasswards pastime that only hicks indulge in. The inhabitants of Chatham often boast about their cow-chip throwing prowess and wave their shit-covered hands in the air like they just don't care.
One of Chatham's major attractions is the beautiful funeral home that used to be the bowling alley. This landmark underscores how Chatham is an up-an-comer in the mortuary business.
Impressed Visitor to Central Illinois: Are you from Chatham? It looks like you have shit on your hands.
Person with shit on his hands sighs: Thanks for the compliment. No, I was just finished diapering my son.
Impressed Visitor: Holy cow! That isn't a funeral home that used to be a bowling alley, is it? Why can't my town have one of those?
Chatham Resident: Well, when your residents stop wanting to be entertained & start wanting to die, you'll get your ex-bowling alley funeral home too.
Impressed Visitor: I guess New York doesn't have everything.
An amorphous group of Americans who may or may not be left of the Tea Party, thus they are not really an alternative to the Tea Party. Unlike the Tea Party which stands firmly on the side of the corporate world's quest for tax cuts and media domination, the Coffee Party just really, really wishes everyone would be nice and discuss their feelings rather than making fun of Obama or the Tea Party.
Coffee Party members are often spotted with blackened, tear-filled eyes and ripped clothing after asking Tea Party members to sit down and discuss their grievances with them. The behavior of Coffee Party members is very similar to that of a woman in an abusive relationship.
Roommate: What happened to all the Kleenex? I bought 4 boxes and they're all gone.
Coffee Party Member: I had a Coffee Party gathering in the living room and we used them up crying over how people like to call Obama and even the Tea Party names.