In the 1980's, Osiris, the great and terrible Egyptian god of the dead, awakened from a centuries-old sleep to wreak vengeance on the modern, monotheistic world which had weakened him to a near-death state. He set about orchestrating a master plan which would make the world pay for his defeat. As his first order of business, he called his servant Anubis to his subterranean chamber, instructing him to go to earth and bring back four mortal souls. The jackal god returned with four souls, which Osiris possessed and named Susanna Hoffs, Debbi Peterson, Michael Steele and Vicki Peterson. With his telekinetic powers, he returned them to earth, where they wrote a song proclaiming the power of the Egyptian gods. It climbed the charts and hooked many listeners. But the song contained an evil curse, a curse that took hold of the listener's mind for decades on end. Soon everyone was hopelessly obsessed with the song, humming it on street corners and in public restrooms. Even today, to speak the accursed name of the song spells doom. So be careful; respect Osiris and his assortment of half-animal courtiers. If you don't, you could be the next victim.
-Hey Charlie. Let's listen to some music.
-Okay Joanna. How about this? Walk like an Egyptian.
Behind opera and legitimate theater, the rodeo is the most influential public function to date. Rodeo-goers can enjoy a lovely rustic atmosphere, complete with aromatic manure and the occasional sky-rocketing loogie. Those who frequent rodeos should observe the strict dress code: uncovered heads and sneaker-shod feet are heavily looked down upon. You can find a nice, classy cowboy hat and pair of boots in your size at many local stores. Finally, the entertainment is not to be missed. Daring feats of strength are displayed throughout the event. Talented contestants mount a raging bull, and see how long they can sit on its back before being tossed off. The performances are breathtaking, with authentic fractures and cursing. No refreshments.
-I say, this rodeo is spectacular. His five-second interval on the bull's back seems to represent the shortness of human life.
-What are you talking about? Isn't this animal cruelty?
-Darling, don't be a philistine. This is art.