Carl J. Maltese's definitions

dresses that can only be worn once

Those expensive prom dresses you just had to have.

"I fail to see why all those stupid girls would waste such an incredible amount of money on dresses that can only be worn once. I mean, the guys wear rented tuxedoes. Why can't the girls get rental dresses?"

by Carl J. Maltese June 16, 2007

prom

Something Your future employers are not going to ask you about or care about.

Human Resources Person: "So, what sort of experience do have for this job?"

Trendoid Preppyuppie Throwback: "Well, I went to my senior prom in a stretch limo that cost my father...."

Human Resources Person: "Uh, that's not what I asked you. Do you or do you not have experience? Hmmmm?"

Trendoid Preppyuppie Throwback: "Well, uh....my father's rich and I dated a cheerleader and....did I mention I went to the prom?"

Human Resources Person: "NEXT!!"

by Carl J. Maltese May 26, 2007

lawn darts

An out-doors game that incorporates the skill of horse-shoes with the thrill of terminal head injury.

"I was about to learn that you should never be on the receiving end in a game of 'catch the lawn darts'...."

by Carl J. Maltese November 1, 2007

Scurv

1970's term for who are now referred to as burnouts and dirtbags.

"You know that new kid around the corner? The one with the hippie parents? He's a real cigarette smoking Scurv!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 15, 2007

toasterphobia

Toasterphobia is the dreaded fear of sticking a fork into a toaster even after it's been unplugged....because sometimes the toaster remembers!

Mike: "Because of my severe toasterphobia, I have continuous nightmares about being chased by a giant toaster and a giant fork wearing running shoes!"

Art: "Dude, you're f**king wacked!!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007

jerry falwell

See Also: The Good Year Blimp with a southern accent; Vague on eight of the Ten Commandments; Oliver North's bend-over buddy; Proud owner of several Swiss bank accounts; Jerry the Blob; Xenophobe; Persecutor; Book burning money worshiper; First against the wall when the revolution comes.

"It's time for the Old Time Persecution Hour with Jerry Falwell!"

by Carl J. Maltese May 21, 2007

SHIELD

Supreme Headquarters International Espionage Law-enforcement Division.

In my previous entry I had forgotten to include the word "Espionage." But, as any devout reader of Marvel Comics can tell you, both definitions are correct as Marvel briefly dropped "Espionage" from SHIELD in the late 1970's. They eventually restored it.

by Carl J. Maltese May 21, 2007