You have sucessfully played the tuba when you do the following. Find a girl over 200lbs. Have her mount you in the 69 position. Make sure her right leg lies between your right shoulder and neck. If she's limber she might even be able to wrap her fat leg behind your back. Her other leg should be in the normal 69 position with her calf, ankle and foot behind your back. She has now mounted you much like a person carries a tuba. Now blow air into her gelatinous ass untill she plays you a massive musical fart.
It was almost 2am, so I settled on some fat chick. I took her home and played her like a tuba! Maybe next time I’ll give her the Texas Tongue Torch.
Hide a very hot bottle of hot sauce in your bed. Bring home a one night stand and perform cunnilingus on her. Just before she reaches climax quickly shake several drops of sauce onto your tongue and give her the Texas Tongue Torch!
I was down on some bitches box, and man that shit smelled! She was a Tuba. So I went to the kitchen, grabbed the hot sauce, and gave her the Texas Tongue Torch! Maybe she'll wash that shit next time.