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1 definition by Shaolin Microwave

 
1.
No whining or bitching. Because you can't. You are dead.

You at least want some questions answered?
You'd probably be better off just getting used to keeping quiet, dead boy.

And that also goes for the smart bitch right there that just said "I'm not a boy". You're dead too.

Welcome to deadity.
In your first and final venture into deadness, you may notice how the weather is neither hot nor cold, and how there are no rainy days or sunny days. Or more specifically, you may have noticed how "weather" does not exist. Be very alarmed. Do not be alarmed. In fact, you may find in your dead state that approximately 100% of the sensations and phenomena you were familiar with in your living days are conspicuously non-existent.

Remember how, when you were alive, you wasted hours and hours watching daytime (and probably night-time) television? Well, this is exactly like that, except without the television. And without the day and night. And without time.

Perhaps you have noticed a light shining in the distance. Please do not approach it. In the past countless dead like yourself have fooled themselves into believing it was the gate to heaven, or possibly an angel, or even God. However, it is none of the above. It's my cell phone blinking. I have mail. You don't though. Because you're dead.
Courtesy of Uncyclopedia. Dead.
by Shaolin Microwave April 11, 2010