I'm also going to delve into this "definition" i suggest that people who know nothing about metal but make accusations anyway look up lyrics to Iron Maiden
"Can you sing about something else besides Satan?" Try every non-number of the beast iron maiden song.
"Can you sing at all?" Yes. Listen to journeyman. listen to silent lucidity
"Can you not be such goth fucktards?"
Jeans and leather aren't goth
"Can you focus more on music and maybe write some non-retarded lyrics and maybe get someone who can actually sing to sing them?" Pop music is the one that normally has shitty lyrics. Steve harris has a history major, and he writes songs pertaining his knowledge
"Can you make it a little more normal and a little less like goth vampire shit?"
The classic metal clothing is jeans and a t-shirt, or leather. or anything with a "i don't care what you think of me attitude"
"Can you make it a little more closer to rock & roll?" We could, but don't want to
"Can you go five seconds without mentioning Satan?" Hallowed be thy Name
, For the Greater Good of God, etc. there's plenty
"^And why the fuck do you do that anyways in the first place?" Shock value
"Do you even know the difference between something that sounds like shit and noise and mud vs. something that actually sounds good?" Silent Lucidity is amazing. Listen to it and tell me i'm wrong. (And It's Queensryche, so it's metal)
Heavy metal takes intelligence and knowledge of music theory (unless you're AC/DC)