Here is the porch beer recipe. It can only be made in the summer.
1. Buy a bunch of Heineken. This is the raw ingredient necessary for the brew. No substitutions with quality beer allowed.
2. Put it in a cooler with ice and a bunch of other beer and a turkey/tomato/mayo/lettuce/Swiss wrap. Let part of the sandwich fall into the ice.
3. Leave the cooler on the back porch in the sun for a month. Do not drain the water or pick out the wrap.
4. Open the cooler, and clean everything up. Throw out all the other brands of beer and wash teh Heiny bottles under your backyard spigot to get the cap rust off and to clean off the botulism from what was the turkey wrap.
5. Line the beers up on the same bench you have the upended cooler drying out on. Ensure this location gets the sun/rain/wind, etc.
6. Leave beer in the sun for a month or more.
7. Put beer in fridge.
8. Drink and stand the fug back.
Note: Author is NOT responsible for what happens to you, or those around you, your loved ones or your marriage.
Author's stomach and intestines have been hardened by food poisoning in Turkey, by undercooked lamb and sheep testicles in South Africa, balut in the Philippines, swamp crawdads and by years of bad cooking. The novice porch beer maker with a Wonder bread stomach could be KILLED.
May God have mercy on your soul.
Last year's foolhardy porch beer experiments are still haunting my colon.