Michelle’s more of a man than you’ll ever be
When she was a lumberjack she fucked a tree
Then all the women in the whole wide world.
Your wife, your mom, and the suicide girls.
Then she killed Hitler with her gun without firing a shot
Ate glass, used science and invented pot
Saw time and space in a TARDIS ship
Got bored, went home, ate a bag of chips.
And if to global warming you look for a cause
You should look no further than Michelle Elaine’s claws
Cause she’s got bear arms and she’s so damn hot
That she heats the earth, just like a tater tot!
Why the bear arms? You ask, well don’t you know?
Michelle won them in a fight with a bear named Joe.
Now Joe’s got no arms but he’s sure not sad
He knows he got in return a story most rad.
"Hey, man, looks like you're limping pretty bad."
"Yeah, I made eye contact with Michelle Elaine Jacobs and now my ass is pregnant."