19 definitions by John Sequitur

Top Definition
A crush that's one-sided to the point of being creepy.

See unrequited love.
on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Charlie has a waitress crush on the Waitress.

I had a total waitress crush on this girl from high school, until she slept with my best friend.
by john sequitur September 05, 2012

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A game of chance one plays alone, or in a group. First one to shart, loses. Traditionnally, one finds themself embroiled in a game of Fart, Fart, Shart after dining on Chipotle or similar faire.
Kids play 'Duck, Duck, Goose.' Men play 'Fart, Fart, Shart'.
via giphy
by john sequitur November 09, 2016

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The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.
Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."
by john sequitur October 23, 2013

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portmanteau of "pornography" and "entertainment".
It's quite easy to tell when you've ventured into a city's pornotainment district.

Much of the Internet's explosive growth (no pun intended) may likely be attributed to the pornotainment industry.
by john sequitur March 08, 2008

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Refraining from posting to social media for an extended period due to lack of motivation, internet service, stupid people, etc. Often followed by Facebook Diarrhea.
Sorry for posting so much lately; I just got over a bout of Facebook Constipation.
by john sequitur September 13, 2015

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An obviously Americanized/Westernized pseudonym taken by ethnically East Asian restaurant workers such as Billy, Kevin, Tony, Susan, Mary, etc.
I went to Ming Kui Lau and my server's name was Tony. No, seriously! It said that on his name tag! I mean yeah, it's probably not his real name, but his Chinese Restaurant name was Tony. Good guy, Tony...
by john sequitur July 04, 2015

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to glamorize gloom
My sister went through a goth phase as a teenager; she would often gloomerize with dark clothing and makeup.

Lars von Trier's film "Melancholia" is the epitome of apocalyptic gloomerization.
by john sequitur August 07, 2012

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