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4 definitions by Jeffy the Retarded Beaver

 
1.
Phenomenon in which any animal caught defacating on my lawn bursts into flames, and it wasn't my fault.
Bob: "Howdy neighbor! By any chance, have you seen my sweet little Sparky? He's been missing for two days now."

Jeffy: "Uhhh....uhhhhh....I didn't do it."

Bob: "What?"

Jeffy: "You're not gonna believe this: I was mowing my lawn the other day and...I smelled something...burning. I looked over to see poor Sparky engulfed in a ball of fire, yelping for help......but by the time I reached him he was utterly consumed and only his ashes remained. That's what happened to Sparky. I'm not lying, it was Spontanious Animal Combustion Bob."

Bob: ".............*gurgles*"
by Jeffy the Retarded Beaver August 15, 2007
 
2.
The well honed instrument of the Goat Peelers. Resembles somewhat in shape a rotisserie barbecue spit with a large, razor-sharp blade attached. The Goat Peeler, applying acute precision and craftsmanship, aligns the blade according to the Goat's size, shape and coarseness of fur; in an equally timely manner counter-clockwise rotates the handle of the spit to which the Goat is attached, running the blade across the surface of the doomed Goat...executing in extreme prejudice, with the goal of removing the skin, fur and gristle from his subject without causing the Goat to expire during the process.
Jebediah: "Jared, have you sharpened your Goat Peeling Apparatus© for the upcoming competition?"

Jared: "Yeah, but I was so drunk off my white Irish ass when I did it that I'd better go over it again. Thanks for reminding me."
by Jeffy the Retarded Beaver August 15, 2007
 
3.
A Goat that carries around an assortment of hats, attempting to distract potential Goat Peelers from their virtuous missions by offering the appeasement of a free hat in exchange for the omission of his skin, fur and gristle being forcefully removed from his haggard Goat body.
Hat Goat: "Excuse me sir...are you the uh.......Goat Peeler?"

Peeler: "Yes. I am the Peeler."

Hat Goat: "May I offer you one of my beautiful hats in exchange for my life?"

Peeler: "No. I've already got a hat. You're fucked."
by Jeffy the Retarded Beaver August 15, 2007
 
4.
One who participates in the competitive underground sport of Goat Peeling. Goat Peeling is just what it sounds like. The goal is to peel all the skin, fur and gristle from a goat without killing it.
MURPH: Did you see Jared in the Goat Peeling comp the other day? He placed third. His technique was smooth and flawless but his goat expired two seconds before he had finished.

I HAVE A RUSTY TUNA CAN STUCK IN MY BRAIN: That sucks! Jared's a damn fine Goat Peeler.
by Jeffy the Retarded Beaver August 15, 2007