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5 definitions by Humph

 
1.
To "sit on a mortar" is to suffer the consequences of a 'dirty bomb' detonation.
"Unfortunately Your Highness, my husband had some dodgy prawn chimichongas for lunch and has sat on a mortar, thus he will not be able to attend tea."
by Humph March 15, 2008
 
2.
The Magna Farta defines Pavlov's Log as the "conditioned reflex action causing one's Bomb Bay to start opening upon seeing a Restroom. From the famous Russian psychologist Ernst Pavlov, who rang a bell every time his dog done a Shit."
" I am sorry, Your Honour, that the Defendant has not yet appeared. He is not however absent in Contempt of Court as I am able to instruct the Jury that Pavlov's Log is held and recongized by the Court as Mitigating Curcimstances. In mitigation, my client has just called me by cellphone from the Courtroom Shitehouse with the message: "I'd give it another 10 minutes if I were you".
by Humph April 10, 2008
 
3.
A monster smelly TURD blocking a Thunderbox which withstands any amount of flushing and prodding, yet refuses to leave the pan.
"I shouldn't use that one if I were you, Madam. Best wait until we've dealt with Tony Blair's Legacy first."
by Humph May 14, 2008
 
4.
Subsidiarity: the concession by which the sovereign parliaments of member-countries of the EU are required to pass into law those rules, regulations etc which have already been legislated in Brussels.
Eurocrat dictator in Brussels - " the EU imperialist project is in grave danger, Senor Barosso. The Irish might vote No to the Lisbon Treaty!"

Barosso - "Don't worry Pierre, I got da boys down da Vatican hittin''em up on prime time TV with a dose of good ol' fashioned subsidiarity til dey give us a Yes."
by Humph May 29, 2008
 
5.
A man who has successfully concealed his sexuality to take advantage of his heterosexual friends.
Bert - "The pub went queer under the new owner, our lawyer friend. No more real beer, no more blazing fire. Now it's strictly for "style conscious gentlemen" only.

Bill - "Yeah we're done for now - nowhere left to go in the village. Sad. And we thought Mike was one of us. He was just casing the joint. Look at it now - all mirrors and pictures of fucking male pop stars and stuff and shitty music."

Bert - "Makes you sick. Our last real watering hole taken out by a stealth bummer!"
by Humph November 18, 2007