1)AAAAAHHHHH!!!! YOU DIRTY COW!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE DOING THAT! SINNER! YOU ARE PUNISHED FROM MYSPACE FOR A MONTH!
Ok, so we should circumsize our children, only dirty people get sexual pleasure.
3)Errrr, i'm kind of worried our child is masturbating. Let's put a chastity belt on him, just in case.
4 and 5)While getting pregnant
AHHHH!!! That feels so good! So shitting good! (when child becomes 11) Ok, now remember saying bad words is bad, and sex is very bad, never do it.
Child: sigh... stupid parents