You are a good democrat if:
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of terrorists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and that huge ball of fire in the sky, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that racism is horrible unless it is against a white person then it is encouraged.
12. You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your first amendment rights.
13. You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits.
14. You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years and saves your kids life.
15. You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high school.
16. You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..."
17. You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
18. You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
19. You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.
20. You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
21. You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
22. After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is under taxed."
23. You fight and demand that other people have to support your cause when you do not bother to donate to it, or even volunteer.
24. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
25. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
26. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and affirmative action isn’t
27. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried, is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
28. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
29. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
30. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese and the middle east is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
Some Democrats are Obama, Pelosi, Dodd, Frank, Clinton.
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