Calgary sucks. It's a city of large hats, brother-sister love, stretchmarks, and small trophy cases. Calgarians only have one personality: hick. It is the fattest city in Alberta, and the 3rd fattest in western Canada. It is not nicknamed "Cowtown" for nothing.
Calgary Stampede sucks. When the horses go through the streets for their annual redneck parade they don't bother cleaning the shit up because it just blends in with the rest of the crap in Calgary.
Calgary sports fans suck. They have a massive inferiority complex towards their northern neighbors because they have almost triple the number of championships. They are more passionate about hating the Oilers than loving the Flames. Any mention of anything to do with Edmonton will produce apoplectic rage and gnashing of teeth. (well, "tooth". It's Calgary after all)
They all jumped on the Flames bandwagon in '04 and if the Flames continue to miss the playoffs they will all jump off with a resounding crash because they are fat.
The only thing Calgary has over Edmonton is a bigger downtown, too bad it's surrounded by a giant trailer park.
What do you call 30 Flames fans in a room together? A full set of teeth.
What do you call a hottie in Calgary? A tourist.
What's the difference between a bra and the Calgary Flames? (Come one, you all know the answer).