by macaronsuga October 18, 2020
Person 1: "She was being totally clingy, so I just pulled a Dad and got outta there."
Person 2: "Wow, harsh."
Person 2: "Wow, harsh."
by ghosttwat666 September 6, 2022
Dad, please, comeback, i know your taking a long time to get the milk, but its been a while, i miss that good old dairy smell, the produce isle doesn’t feel the same without you anymore. But dad, please come back, its been 15 years, mom couldn’t afford the mortgage, and we are living in cardboard boxes on the side of the road, my sister molly, was abducted by a homeless man on a tricycle. Mum can barely afford a happy meal, mom’s been acting very differently, after she started snorting salt. My favorite game that me and my brother do, is that we steal stuff from SuperStore, and see how long we can make it out of the store, before getting slaughtered at the end of the side of the road, mom has already had to amputate her leg and two arms just to keep us fed on the past few days. Brother Timmy has also been acting weird since we hung his rabbit on the McDonald's drive through section, before creeping customers, and stealing their french fries from the wedged part of their carseat. Some guy tried selling me kids on a Tricycle and saw that my Long Lost sister was in the back where most of his butchered horses, some day in Weathorford Texas. Mum Couldn’t afford cutting off her limbs anymore, so she gave us flashlight to search through dumpsters late at night when The Chad’s appear. But please comeback, Dad, i need something from you. Come back, with the milk...
Timmy: Where did dad go mom?
Mom: he has been gone for a while Timmy.
Me: Wheres the milk?
Molly: *mphmghph* struggles to get the duck tape off her face after being kidnapped.
Brother: I need milk, its a problem
Mom: he has been gone for a while Timmy.
Me: Wheres the milk?
Molly: *mphmghph* struggles to get the duck tape off her face after being kidnapped.
Brother: I need milk, its a problem
by Trash Kid September 14, 2019
by KidWithNoDad August 14, 2020
The guy who's on your ass 24/7 about grades, sports, what you do with your free time, drugs, alcohol, your behavior....etc and will never give you a break, or room to breath, he can also be pretty chill when he has vented all his rage on the rest of your family, he likes classic rock, talking about politics, he is never wrong and will argue until his face turns red to prove his point no matter how ridiculous it may be, he is either the best or the worst when he drinks, he is extremely controlling with what you do and how you manage your time, he does love you (well i mean he is your father right?) and after owning you he usually says its because he loves you (which is usually bullshit)overall you still love your dad even tho he may be a total asshole, and when u move away you will love him even more
Me: Dad is it alright if i got to Jess's party?
Dad: Hmmm I just got you report card, do you know you have a D in math this quarter?
Me: yes... (thinking FUCK)I'm sorry?
Dad: well you're gonna be sorry because from now on you're not doing shit until you learn to be responsible, you're in high school grow up...(getting more pissed) i know you stole two of my Bud Lights I'm adding two weeks to your punishment you're going to be an alcoholic some day
Dad: Hmmm I just got you report card, do you know you have a D in math this quarter?
Me: yes... (thinking FUCK)I'm sorry?
Dad: well you're gonna be sorry because from now on you're not doing shit until you learn to be responsible, you're in high school grow up...(getting more pissed) i know you stole two of my Bud Lights I'm adding two weeks to your punishment you're going to be an alcoholic some day
by DankChiefer3000 May 29, 2008
The parent that shits in your bathroom. Also takes a ton of shit. Your dad is super loving actually, except most people find fathers to be inconsiderate fucks. No one cares if your father forced told you to buy your own house. And no one cares that your dad supports the 2nd amendment. Back to the other shitting part, his shits are fucking MASSIVE. I'm talking like holy shit massive, like your toilet cannot be unclogged massive.
Welp. My son is gay, the other is a right wing, and my daughter's a feminist. I'm surprised I haven't killed myself. Am I a good dad? Yeah.
by The Ugly Prince December 15, 2017
by Young kitkat August 24, 2019