Weather update

When you have to announce something has changed
Based on ‘History of the World by Bill Wurtz

“How’s Jack?”
“Weather update: he cheated on me so I killed him”
“Nice”
Ps-i never killed somebody I just put it there for dark comedic reasons

by Planetaceofspades June 16, 2024

Updates

Downgrades disguised as security patches and bug fixes to electronics and computer software. Not to be confused with upgrades, which traditionally were supposed to enhance a software product's user experience.

"I lost more control of my computer after the latest automatic updates."

"My smartphone app took features and functions away! And now, they want me to pay for the subscription gimmick or pro versions after the latest updates."

by zorakblinks July 19, 2021

Tara update

When your mate keeps bringing up his girlfriend non stop, even though nobody cares about what she says or does.

Person 1: “So me and Tara were thinking about-“
Person 2: “beep be beep beep be beep ooo time for another Tara update”

by EH.star.33 October 1, 2023

Steve wilks once more updated

A fucking booty ass coach for the bloody Carolina Panthers who's ass cannot hold down a single fuckin job because of his poor ass predictability this wanker most likely uses all the Madden rookie mode plays to coach American football to adults. It's baffling ti know that people keep giving him a bloody job and think he's a good coach he once became the head coach of the fucking aricoma cardbirdies but went 3-16 like a fucking idiot he is ge tried coaching the Browns but was very unsuccessful he then tried to coach for Missouri but most likely got fired for his incompetence no one should trust this muppet

Steve wilks once more updated:

Ari: yo we hired a very good new head coach to replace the legend Bruce Arians
(Everyone cheers and celebrates)

(1 year later)

3-13 you fuckin idiot?? Get the fuck out of here you bloody wanker don't come back er hate you and never want to see you again

(6 months later)

The Browns: (hire Steve) yea we got a great defensive mind and coach to help lead us to victory

(After the season) Steve you fuckin bitch why don't you call better defensive plays you jackass? Stop calling Madden rookie mode plays and get your ass out of here

*2 years later*

University of Missouri: hire Steve wilks

All the athletes: cries in terror

After the season: damn not even a NFL coach can help win us any games did you see the film that idiot played in practice? All Madden highlights on rookie mode what a bloody fucking pathetic idiot I'm glad coach is getting fired on Friday

(2022) the Panthers: *hire Steve wilks*

*The City of Carolina* (riot and start screaming in confusion)

the rest of us: it must be Steve wilks bloody ass again

by Bleeding guns July 30, 2022

update synapse

when people in the synapse cord want the update to be faster so they spam #memes

When synapse doesn't update you're supposed to spam update synapse.

by g h o s t l y August 28, 2019

national relationship update day

national relationship update day, on the first sunday of may

hey bro, its national relationship update day, whats going on with ur girl?

by arum1784632785 May 5, 2024

general smear (the second update: 25.04.24)

The shitty-doings of General Smear continue to drown the students of Baulko. It started with the walls and students but at one point... he just could not hold it in any longer. Students. Teachers. Principal. AND ESPECIALLY the Janitor was smeared all over. Fortunately, following this disastrous attack, we can identify one particular victim and gain a 69-minute interview with the boy himself. NAMELY, Zuhair, or as his new name post-catastrophe, ZuShit. This momo dupe of a Bengali boy just wanted to learn about the ideal GAS laws, especially GAY loose(nut)sacks law. However, the general had other plans. ZuShit was surprised to learn he would not only learn the theory of how gas is formed but rather was given an unexpected practical on how gases turn into brown precipitates. Feeling like he had learnt a lo that lesson he gleefully walked out the corridor when he noticed something... a stench. Connecting the brown dots, he took a glance down at his feet evidently covered, shmeared and engulfed by the general's signature premium shit. he ran to confront the general who was shitting in the female cubicle as he was in a quite a hurry. The stench was simply too blasphemous.

Knock Knock!
"get out buddy i am trying to cook up tonight's dinner! please wait your turn"
"no you don't understand what you have done. my parents bob and sam will not accept me. they will sent me back to syria.

"mate i don't have time for this shit! piss off."

Saranyan: Damn bro i feel really bad for ZuShit.

Rishi: yeah no cap fanum tax ohio rizzler.

Saranyan: must be a shitty experience

ZuShit!: hey dont make fun of me guys!!!🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Rishi: i think its time to let the public know general's true powers in the latest general smear (the second update: 25.04.24)

by dailybritishbrownboy March 24, 2024