titiot savant

a person of below average intelligence who possesses a sixth sense about women's breasts, often knowing specific personal details about them with a single glance at a fully clothed woman. In a 1987 Michigan State University study, one tidiot savant with an IQ of 83 was tested by looking at pictures of just the faces of the 50 Miss America contestants. He was able to give the exact breast size of 96% of the women, incorrectly guessing only Miss Alaska and Miss Hawaii, but was correct on all 48 contiguous states.

Jim: Why did you bring Nate along with us to the bar? He's such a doof.
Dave: Hey, man. Be cool. You'll see.
Nate: Ooohh. Ooohh.
Dave: What is it, little buddy?
Nate: At the door, brunette, natural 36C's, left one slightly larger than the right, not much, top hat nipples, medium areolas- again, left slightly larger, but just a tad.
Jim: She's smokin'!
--the next day--
Jim: Hey, Dave. That dumbass Nate was dead on about that chick's boobs. I had sex with her last night.
Dave: Damn right, he was dead on. That's because he's a titiot savant.

by theinstigator December 15, 2013

spasmanian devil

one who is so horny and depraved they will have sex with anything and everything they can find at the peak of their sexual lust. Though popular opinion would suggest being a spasmanian devil is a male behavior, studies have shown females to qualify as well. One study placed a male subject alone in a furnished house with hidden cameras. He was given porn and other types of erotic stimuli. The urge to have sex became totally overpowering. In the mayhem that followed he had sex with two couch pillows, three socks, a medium size cantaloupe, a vase, a cherry pie, a parka, and a paper towel cylinder before finally finishing off in the hole of a subwoofer. A female subject was placed in the same test conditions. She got so worked up she had sex with three carrots, a cucumber, an over-ripe banana, a television remote, a Coca-Cola classic bottle, the left handlebar from a 1962 Harley Panhead, and a rolling pin before climaxing with a Prell Guava Shampoo bottle (the concave design with ribbed grip to prevent dropping in the shower.)

Nobody would allow Harold to have more than two drinks at a party. They all remembered the previous summer when, at the Dorfman's pool party he got so drunk and horny he turned into a spasmanian devil and tried to fuck a life jacket, a inflatable water wing, the pool vacuum, Fred Dorfman and Shermie the cocker spaniel.

by theinstigator January 01, 2014

glaze goatee

the residue left on one's face after performing a nice sloppy job of cunnilingus. The "glaze" would be all across and above the upper lip, down the edges of the mouth and completely covering the whole front of the chin.

After Delilah had her orgasm, Fred lifted his mouth from between her legs. She raised her head from the pillow and saw he was grinning at her. She smiled with satisfaction and found it quite charming how his glaze goatee glistened in the candlelight.

by theinstigator December 30, 2013

cunnilinquint

one who reneges (backs out) on a promise he will go down on a woman (perform
cunnilingus, eat pussy.) This type of person is highly scorned by females.

Helen: So how was the date with Ted?
Janice: Could have went better. He told me he'd go down on me if I gave him a
blowjob first. But as soon as I did, he- all of a sudden- had to leave.
Helen: You need to drop his ass. He's a cunnilinquint!

by theinstigator January 16, 2014

Weiner Worthy

Being desirable enough to stick one's penis in. A woman worth wetting one's willie in. A gal who a guy would want to fuck.

Nicole worried that by the time she was in her late 40's that she would no longer be weiner worthy.

by theinstigator October 01, 2016

Ghost of Houdini

When a man is lying in bed on his back and he gets a hard-on, it rises beneath the sheets appearing as a ghostly figure in the morning light. True to the spirit of Houdini, the ghostly erection is likely to disappear soon after it arrives, possibly into the woman beside him.

Jane: Baby, look at the sheet near your crotch!
Kevin: Shh, baby. It's the ghost of Houdini.
Jane: Really? Is he friendly?
Kevin: Oh yeah. I think he wants a kiss.
Jane: Okay.

by theinstigator September 22, 2016

Hot dog with mustard, hold the ketchup

When a guy is receiving a blowjob from his girl and as she attempts to deep throat him she suddenly sneezes so violently she ejects from her nose a yellowish snot trail all over his majestic manhood plus she accidentally bites his magnificent va-jay-jay impaler but it doesn’t quite draw blood.

Thanks to her allergies and missing teeth, Belinda created a hot dog with mustard, hold the ketchup situation last night on her date with Homer.

by theinstigator June 03, 2016