theWestHamfan's definitions

cock conk

a nose shaped like a penis

karl maldern's cock conk nearly won him an oscar for best supporting nose

by theWestHamfan January 20, 2004

crutchless panties

panties with the crutch missing

essex girl "ooh i've been wearing these crutchless panties and i think my bearded oyster may have frostbite."
paramedic. "no, it's just that you must learn to take out the fanny haddock BEFORE you put the new one in. "There's fifteen in here!"

by theWestHamfan November 27, 2003

ball stones

hard gristle lumps that form in one's testicles during puberty

"in my opinion" sympathised the consultant "we will have to remove the veg part of trevor's meat and two veg"
"NOOO" screamed the semi-anaesthatised trevor "it's me GALL stones, not me BALL stones, you pillock"

by theWestHamfan December 15, 2003

doughnut swirly

when one is crapping and eating a doughnut at the same time; as one stands to wipe one's arse, one accidentally drops the doughnut into the pan. the dilemma is; should one pick out the doughnut, wash it under the tap, and carry on eating?

colin "what's that brown stain round your north and south kev?"
kevin "i've jus' finished a doughnut swirly."

by theWestHamfan December 15, 2003

gingivitis

swollen gums through giving too much felatio

Oi Kinnock, no wonder your gingivitus has flared - GET OFF THAT NOW!

by theWestHamfan November 3, 2003

suicide gobbler

a woman who will NOT stop giving head. "enough is enough, stop right now." no - a suicide gobbler will go on and on and on and on

trevor thought he was so lucky pulling thunderthighs 'till he discovered she was a suicide gobbler

by theWestHamfan November 22, 2003

flak jacket

home made condom. usually made from cling film secured with an elastic band. but can be made from old parachute silk or almost anything.

"what a funny flak jacket" giggled june across the road, "that's surely tonto, one of alec's prize gnomes"

by theWestHamfan November 17, 2003