texlex61's definitions

malpheasants

1. (prim. def.) Wrongdoing or wrongful acts by certain large birds of the order Galliformes while acting in an offcial capacity.

2. (alt. def.) Wrongdoing or wrongful acts committed against certain large birds of the order Galliformes while acting in an offcial capacity.

Volunteer Deputy Constable (and part-time unarmed sporting event security enforcement officer) Russell Peabody committed an act of gross malpheasants (alt. def.) when he planted some throw down grass-seed-based scat near two colorful male Galliformes in a crude (and disgusting) attempt to justify their arrest (and prompt death by BBQ) pursuant to trumped up allegations of petty malpheasants (prim. def.) involving the unauthorized consumption of a partial ruck-sack of county grass seed from the football field maintenance shed during the local Punnischt, OK, high school's annual trouncing by the visiting "Fight'n Pheasants" from West Lafarge, OK.

by texlex61 January 29, 2009

DJT

"DJT", pronounced "didge it", a figurative finger with the characteristic scent of the literal unwashed probe of a gloveless proctologist, which persistently seeks to return to its own rectal comfort zone.

Suddenly, every podunk redneck has a hankering for the DJT.

by texlex61 December 10, 2020

supposably

A series of phonemes commonly uttered by English language speakers who share a common defect in English language acquisition.

When asked if she had received competent English language instruction, Alberta replied "supposably."

by texlex61 January 30, 2009

Convalesce You

Think of "Convalesce You" as a secular alternative to the customary "God Bless You" or "Bless You" one might say in response to another's sneeze. "Convalesce" means to recuperate, recover, or regain one's health. Saying "Convalesce You" (rendered as a 3-syllable con-vless-you) in response to a sneeze satisfies the social norm of not disregarding another person's sneeze, without invoking any Gods or representing any authority to confer blessings.

AHHH AHHH AHHH CHOOOO!!! Convalesce You!

by texlex61 December 10, 2020

White Trash Refund

Application of various disreputable and/or fraudulent strategies calculated to obtain a refund to which one would not otherwise be entitled. Closely related to white trash exchange, white trash rebate, white trash warranty claim, white trash regifting, etc.

Percy, expressing extreme discomfort, quickly negotiated a white trash refund of the cost (with tax) of his pricey hemorrhoid preparation, because he "didn't get home from the store with it" and "had had to resort to other means."

by texlex61 January 28, 2009

White Trash Regifting

Application of various disreputable and/or dishonest strategies, employed by the giver in a regifting situation, calculated to deceive the recipient into a) believing that the gift was not known by the giver to be undesirable at the time of giving (e.g., broken, malfunctioning, diseased, leaking, putrid, hazardous, malodorous, untrained, etc.), while, b) concealing the fact that the giver has already received his purchase price back through application of some other white trash artifice. Closely related to white trash rebate, white trash refund, white trash warranty claim, white trash exchange, etc.

Claudette, Claude's double 3/4 cousin, would not have been hesitant to complain that the "resting" gerbil he gave her on her 7th birthday hadn't moved in 3 days, had she known that she was the victim of a white trash regifting and that Claude had already obtained a refund plus a "disposal fee" thrown in as a bonus.

by texlex61 January 29, 2009

inattentive to the road's needs

The official reason the chicken crossed the road.

After years of intense psychotherapy, the road's psychoanalyst penned his conclusive diagnosis "the chicken unknowingly committed a grave error, transitting from its permitted location to an unsanctioned area, pathologically and permanently violating the delicate psyche of the highly sensitized patient, because it was perceived as an inconsiderate act and extremely inattentive to the Road's needs. Alas, the patient is destined to be similarly crossed by many, if not most, of those it may expect to encounter in the future."

by texlex61 January 30, 2009