scorpionmintred's definitions
A pornographic sub-genre similar to cake farts wherein a person blows their nose into the open anus of another person. While the method of sexual gratification is unclear, it provides great humor to those involved.
"The asskerchief is an inefficient way to clear one's nasal passages."
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Man: "I asked my wife if I could asskerchief her, like I saw on the internet."
Friend: "What did she say?"
Man: "She laughed at me and filed for divorce."
Friend: "That seems excessive."
Man: "Well I'm also a terrible husband."
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Man: "I searched for asskerchief and then promptly decided to go back to normal porn."
Friend: "Normal?"
Man: "Well... MORE normal."
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Man: "I asked my wife if I could asskerchief her, like I saw on the internet."
Friend: "What did she say?"
Man: "She laughed at me and filed for divorce."
Friend: "That seems excessive."
Man: "Well I'm also a terrible husband."
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Man: "I searched for asskerchief and then promptly decided to go back to normal porn."
Friend: "Normal?"
Man: "Well... MORE normal."
by scorpionmintred March 13, 2019
Get the Asskerchief mug.1. (n.) The sides of a fat woman that are compressed by pants so badly that skin and fat pours over the sides of the pants, looking like a collapsed soufflé.
Note: This is a more severe condition than a muffin top in that even moderately heavy girls can get a bit "muffiny", but only genuinely obese women can have a collapsed soufflé.
2. (n.) The skin of a woman's stomach after pregnancy, when it looks deflated and wrinkly, like a collapsed soufflé.
This condition may also affect other parts of the body after liposuction.
Note: This is a more severe condition than a muffin top in that even moderately heavy girls can get a bit "muffiny", but only genuinely obese women can have a collapsed soufflé.
2. (n.) The skin of a woman's stomach after pregnancy, when it looks deflated and wrinkly, like a collapsed soufflé.
This condition may also affect other parts of the body after liposuction.
Kat: Hey Jenny, I guess you turned the oven off too early.
Jenny: What ever do you mean by that?
Kat: You totally have a collapsed soufflé.
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Kat: Aw, Brenda, your baby is so cute.
Brenda: Whatever, that little ass gave me the worst case of collapsed soufflé!
Kat: Yeah he did. I think it's dragging on the floor. ::throws up::
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Doctor: Who the hell was eating dessert in my OR?!
Nurse: Um, doctor, that's the patient.
Doctor: By god she's fat.
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French Chef: Bon! My finest soufflé is finally ready for le "prime time"!
Oaf Busboy: ::knocks into table::
Soufflé: ::collapses::
French Chef: You oaf! Get ze hell out of my kitchen!
Oaf Busboy: Fuck you, chef! That thing looks like your mother's hips!
Jenny: What ever do you mean by that?
Kat: You totally have a collapsed soufflé.
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Kat: Aw, Brenda, your baby is so cute.
Brenda: Whatever, that little ass gave me the worst case of collapsed soufflé!
Kat: Yeah he did. I think it's dragging on the floor. ::throws up::
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Doctor: Who the hell was eating dessert in my OR?!
Nurse: Um, doctor, that's the patient.
Doctor: By god she's fat.
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French Chef: Bon! My finest soufflé is finally ready for le "prime time"!
Oaf Busboy: ::knocks into table::
Soufflé: ::collapses::
French Chef: You oaf! Get ze hell out of my kitchen!
Oaf Busboy: Fuck you, chef! That thing looks like your mother's hips!
by scorpionmintred March 18, 2010
Get the collapsed soufflé mug.General term for all of the parts of a woman related to the storage and dispersal of eggs, including the ovaries, uterus, and vagina.
Woman: "Ow! That bitch just kicked me right in the Easter Basket!"
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Art Critic: "Damn, Picasso, I've never before seen a square Easter Basket".
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OBGYN: "I haven't seen an Easter Basket this messed up since my mom got the egg dye mixed up with the pancake batter".
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ER Doctor: (Removing fragments of chicken-egg shells from inside a woman's vagina) "You really aren't clear on the concept, are you?"
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Art Critic: "Damn, Picasso, I've never before seen a square Easter Basket".
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OBGYN: "I haven't seen an Easter Basket this messed up since my mom got the egg dye mixed up with the pancake batter".
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ER Doctor: (Removing fragments of chicken-egg shells from inside a woman's vagina) "You really aren't clear on the concept, are you?"
by scorpionmintred February 17, 2010
Get the Easter Basket mug.1. A tax-exempt corporation with the facade of a "bona-fide" religion created by L. Ron Hubbard as a way to make money when his "better-than-psychology" clinics failed to do so in the 1950s.
2. The act of engaging in sexual intercourse with a piece of scientific equipment, such as a microscope.
3. A sexual act whereby a man reads a science textbook to a woman who then becomes bored. When she inevitably falls asleep, the man hits her over the head with the textbook, yelling "science!" He then takes off her top and studies her breasts whilst masturbating. Upon completion, he jisms into the open textbook, smears his essence all over the open pages, and sticks the textbook to the woman's face. He may then, at his option, invite people over to "study" with her, thereby causing her severe embarrassment when she comes to.
2. The act of engaging in sexual intercourse with a piece of scientific equipment, such as a microscope.
3. A sexual act whereby a man reads a science textbook to a woman who then becomes bored. When she inevitably falls asleep, the man hits her over the head with the textbook, yelling "science!" He then takes off her top and studies her breasts whilst masturbating. Upon completion, he jisms into the open textbook, smears his essence all over the open pages, and sticks the textbook to the woman's face. He may then, at his option, invite people over to "study" with her, thereby causing her severe embarrassment when she comes to.
1. Scientology Auditor: "Hey, you, man walking down the street that appears to have better things to do! Yes, you! Would you like to be audited such that we can eventually remove your Thetans after charging you thousands of dollars for brainwashing?"
Man: "No."
2. Woman: "Oh yeah baby, adjust that coarse focus knob!"
3. Girl's Roommate: "Damn, were you up all night studying again?"
Girl: (Just coming to) "Ugh, what time is it?"
Girl's Roommate: "What, I can't hear you with that textbook on your face. And why does my microscope smell?"
Girl: (Rips the book off, but the inner pages stick to her face) "I have no idea, but I must have been sitting down too long because my ass hurts".
Man: "No."
2. Woman: "Oh yeah baby, adjust that coarse focus knob!"
3. Girl's Roommate: "Damn, were you up all night studying again?"
Girl: (Just coming to) "Ugh, what time is it?"
Girl's Roommate: "What, I can't hear you with that textbook on your face. And why does my microscope smell?"
Girl: (Rips the book off, but the inner pages stick to her face) "I have no idea, but I must have been sitting down too long because my ass hurts".
by scorpionmintred February 17, 2010
Get the scientology mug.1. (n.) The ape whom once conquered hot-air-ballooning, as only man had previously done.
2. (v.) The act of, upon ejaculating into a woman of ill-repute, jamming as many bananas as possible into her vagina. The man then whips out a spoon, takes a scoop, and offers the woman a serving of the mashed bananas. She then declines, and runs from the room screaming. The man then consumes the spoonful, takes his briefcase, and leaves.
2. (v.) The act of, upon ejaculating into a woman of ill-repute, jamming as many bananas as possible into her vagina. The man then whips out a spoon, takes a scoop, and offers the woman a serving of the mashed bananas. She then declines, and runs from the room screaming. The man then consumes the spoonful, takes his briefcase, and leaves.
"God Bless that Ape Wellington for showing us all that extremely boring balloon flight is possible!"
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Friend: "Do you smell bananas?"
Woman: "No."
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Woman: "Have you found the problem?"
OBGYN: "No, but this here is delicious."
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Tickles Brick Tickles: "Honey! Come back! I thought you would enjoy it!"
Woman: "Why?"
Tickles Brick Tickles: "At least your twat doesn't smell like fish."
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Ape: "Wunhh wunhh wooo wooo!"
Woman (to self): "O, why did I ever have sex with an ape? He has no idea what goes where!"
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Friend: "Do you smell bananas?"
Woman: "No."
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Woman: "Have you found the problem?"
OBGYN: "No, but this here is delicious."
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Tickles Brick Tickles: "Honey! Come back! I thought you would enjoy it!"
Woman: "Why?"
Tickles Brick Tickles: "At least your twat doesn't smell like fish."
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Ape: "Wunhh wunhh wooo wooo!"
Woman (to self): "O, why did I ever have sex with an ape? He has no idea what goes where!"
by scorpionmintred February 27, 2009
Get the Ape Wellington mug.1. That glasscock was ribbed for added pleasure.
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1. That trophy being kissed by that woman may look like a glasscock, but it is not.
2. My grandmother had numerous glasscocks on display in her curio cabinet when I was a child.
3. Damn, Glasscock Road is a long road. We should find out more about it at www.mintred.com/article/122/ .
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1. That trophy being kissed by that woman may look like a glasscock, but it is not.
2. My grandmother had numerous glasscocks on display in her curio cabinet when I was a child.
3. Damn, Glasscock Road is a long road. We should find out more about it at www.mintred.com/article/122/ .
by scorpionmintred May 16, 2007
Get the glasscock mug.1. (n.) A man who presumably flew planes in a fine manner in World War One.
2. (n.) A crap pizza that many school children eat because their parents are too poor.
3. (v.) The act of donning a monocle before sexual congress with a woman who is having her menses. Traditionally, a small yet stylish moustache should be worn as well. The man inflates his chest and walks to the bed with the bearing of a proper gentleman. He then dips at least two fingers into the waiting woman's blood-filled snatch, finger-painting the German cross onto his chest.
The true connoisseur of this maneuver will keep the monocle in his eye until reaching sexual release.
2. (n.) A crap pizza that many school children eat because their parents are too poor.
3. (v.) The act of donning a monocle before sexual congress with a woman who is having her menses. Traditionally, a small yet stylish moustache should be worn as well. The man inflates his chest and walks to the bed with the bearing of a proper gentleman. He then dips at least two fingers into the waiting woman's blood-filled snatch, finger-painting the German cross onto his chest.
The true connoisseur of this maneuver will keep the monocle in his eye until reaching sexual release.
"The Red Baron shot down a bunch of planes once. It is very 'urban' of me to define this term in a serious fashion. I will now ride the subway and watch the History Channel."
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"This Red Baron pizza is flavorful. Unfortunately the flavor is crap."
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"I was about to give this woman the Red Baron last night, however when she saw my monocle she got dressed and fled in a hasty manner. So I put on my robe and wizard's hat."
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"She died when I came and she inhaled my falling monocle."
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"I attempted the Red Baron last night, but she wasn't on the rag. I ended up using some poor man's menses to finish."
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"This Red Baron pizza is flavorful. Unfortunately the flavor is crap."
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"I was about to give this woman the Red Baron last night, however when she saw my monocle she got dressed and fled in a hasty manner. So I put on my robe and wizard's hat."
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"She died when I came and she inhaled my falling monocle."
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"I attempted the Red Baron last night, but she wasn't on the rag. I ended up using some poor man's menses to finish."
by scorpionmintred February 14, 2007
Get the Red Baron mug.