When a man cannot wait to place his erect penis in a woman's bum, and so hastens around sticking his penis in any asses he can find. Possibly he would even pirate a man's ass in his haste. Very bad news to be standing in front of such a pirate in line for, say, groceries.
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
Get the Urgent Piratemug. 1. When a man is a fiend for having sex whilst the woman is on the rag, but cannot find himself a menstruating woman, he secretly squirts ketchup into the woman's vaginal canal before sex.
2. When a man's girlfriend is not on the pill, and he wants to cum inside her when she isn't actually on the rag. He secretly squirts ketchup inside her vaginal canal whilst she sleeps so she wakes up thinking she has her period.
2. When a man's girlfriend is not on the pill, and he wants to cum inside her when she isn't actually on the rag. He secretly squirts ketchup inside her vaginal canal whilst she sleeps so she wakes up thinking she has her period.
Woman: "My entire reproductive tract is ruined from poor man's menses".
- or -
Woman: "I don't know how I keep getting pregnant while I'm on the rag!"
Man: "Maybe it's all the poor man's menses I've been squirting inside you?"
- or -
Abortionist: "What the hell is that??"
Woman: "Poor man's menses and a week-old fetus?"
- or -
OBGYN: "What the hell is that?"
Woman: "I don't know, but it goes great with french fries!"
- or -
OBGYN: "Damn, this goes well with french fries!"
- or -
Woman: "I don't know how I keep getting pregnant while I'm on the rag!"
Man: "Maybe it's all the poor man's menses I've been squirting inside you?"
- or -
Abortionist: "What the hell is that??"
Woman: "Poor man's menses and a week-old fetus?"
- or -
OBGYN: "What the hell is that?"
Woman: "I don't know, but it goes great with french fries!"
- or -
OBGYN: "Damn, this goes well with french fries!"
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
Get the poor man's mensesmug. A pornographic sub-genre similar to cake farts wherein a person blows their nose into the open anus of another person. While the method of sexual gratification is unclear, it provides great humor to those involved.
"The asskerchief is an inefficient way to clear one's nasal passages."
- or -
Man: "I asked my wife if I could asskerchief her, like I saw on the internet."
Friend: "What did she say?"
Man: "She laughed at me and filed for divorce."
Friend: "That seems excessive."
Man: "Well I'm also a terrible husband."
- or -
Man: "I searched for asskerchief and then promptly decided to go back to normal porn."
Friend: "Normal?"
Man: "Well... MORE normal."
- or -
Man: "I asked my wife if I could asskerchief her, like I saw on the internet."
Friend: "What did she say?"
Man: "She laughed at me and filed for divorce."
Friend: "That seems excessive."
Man: "Well I'm also a terrible husband."
- or -
Man: "I searched for asskerchief and then promptly decided to go back to normal porn."
Friend: "Normal?"
Man: "Well... MORE normal."
by scorpionmintred March 13, 2019
Get the Asskerchiefmug. When you put corn in a woman's vagina and grind it as with a mortar and pestle, except in this case it is her pussy and your cock.
You must be wary that corn doesn't get wedged around the head of your penis as it does in your teeth after you eat it.
By going down on your woman afterwards, it gives a whole new meaning to "creamed corn".
You must be wary that corn doesn't get wedged around the head of your penis as it does in your teeth after you eat it.
By going down on your woman afterwards, it gives a whole new meaning to "creamed corn".
Little did anyone at the thanksgiving table know, but the creamed corn was made by grinding the corn in my girlfriend's twat just earlier.
by scorpionmintred August 15, 2004
Get the Grinding the Cornmug. When a woman is passed out, either from her own actions or by way of your rufies, the act of fucking her in the ass wildly and then drawing doodles on her sheets using your feces-stained penis.
These actions may be repeated until said drawing is complete.
These actions may be repeated until said drawing is complete.
That passed out bitch didn't appreciate that I ass crayoned her bed.
- or -
I have a wicked yeast infection in my foreskin from using my ass crayon too much.
- or -
I have a wicked yeast infection in my foreskin from using my ass crayon too much.
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
Get the ass crayonmug. The act of putting a thumb over the mouth of a bottle of champagne and then agitating it order to bring it to the highest possible pressure. The bottle is then thrust into the anus of an unsuspecting girl (or, preferrably, a sleeping whore), thereby shooting champagne into her rectal cavity violently.
Generally, the finer the whore, the finer the champagne that should be used. In the case of a 4 dollar "ho", malt liquor may be used.
Generally, the finer the whore, the finer the champagne that should be used. In the case of a 4 dollar "ho", malt liquor may be used.
"The recoil from that rude awakening was quite a mess."
- or -
The malt liquor must have fermented in her ass after the rude awakening, because I went to work drunk after that 9 AM rim job.
- or -
"The prostitute wanted to charge me extra after I gave her a rude awakening, but I told her to f' off and left. She couldn't get up without malt liquor leaking out her ass, so she made an un-hasty chase."
- or -
"I rushed my rude awakening and hit the wrong hole. Wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't on the menses at the time. Let's just say there was cotton and chunks of blood everywhere.
- or -
The malt liquor must have fermented in her ass after the rude awakening, because I went to work drunk after that 9 AM rim job.
- or -
"The prostitute wanted to charge me extra after I gave her a rude awakening, but I told her to f' off and left. She couldn't get up without malt liquor leaking out her ass, so she made an un-hasty chase."
- or -
"I rushed my rude awakening and hit the wrong hole. Wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't on the menses at the time. Let's just say there was cotton and chunks of blood everywhere.
by scorpionmintred October 01, 2005
Get the rude awakeningmug. 1. Angry cow. (Possibly see your mom).
2. BSE; Rots the brains of cows and jerks who eat cow brains. (Possibly see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Or was that monkey brains? Whatever, it's feking weird anyway).
3. Giant lesbian who thinks she's hot. When you yank on her quadruple D breasts, she does not notice it because they're dragging on the floor already. But for some reason, skinny hot lesbians find her attractive, but she is mad because men still exist, and her vagina cannot be found by said skinny hot lesbian. If you are a man, she will not appreciate you existing.
2. BSE; Rots the brains of cows and jerks who eat cow brains. (Possibly see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Or was that monkey brains? Whatever, it's feking weird anyway).
3. Giant lesbian who thinks she's hot. When you yank on her quadruple D breasts, she does not notice it because they're dragging on the floor already. But for some reason, skinny hot lesbians find her attractive, but she is mad because men still exist, and her vagina cannot be found by said skinny hot lesbian. If you are a man, she will not appreciate you existing.
Your mom might be mad cow type one, but she can't be mad cow type two unless your dad had sex with a straight woman who carried you to term. Unless you are a girl, then your mom may be touching you when you're asleep, on the boobies, perhaps.
by scorpionmintred December 30, 2003
Get the mad cowmug.