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scorpionmintred's definitions

mad cow

1. Angry cow. (Possibly see your mom).

2. BSE; Rots the brains of cows and jerks who eat cow brains. (Possibly see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Or was that monkey brains? Whatever, it's feking weird anyway).

3. Giant lesbian who thinks she's hot. When you yank on her quadruple D breasts, she does not notice it because they're dragging on the floor already. But for some reason, skinny hot lesbians find her attractive, but she is mad because men still exist, and her vagina cannot be found by said skinny hot lesbian. If you are a man, she will not appreciate you existing.
Your mom might be mad cow type one, but she can't be mad cow type two unless your dad had sex with a straight woman who carried you to term. Unless you are a girl, then your mom may be touching you when you're asleep, on the boobies, perhaps.
by scorpionmintred December 30, 2003
mugGet the mad cowmug.

Count Von Pennies

A proper noun used in place of calling someone "Jewish" for being cheap.
Sarcasm Master: "Why don't you spring for the large fries, Count Von Pennies?"
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
mugGet the Count Von Penniesmug.

Ape Wellington

1. (n.) The ape whom once conquered hot-air-ballooning, as only man had previously done.

2. (v.) The act of, upon ejaculating into a woman of ill-repute, jamming as many bananas as possible into her vagina. The man then whips out a spoon, takes a scoop, and offers the woman a serving of the mashed bananas. She then declines, and runs from the room screaming. The man then consumes the spoonful, takes his briefcase, and leaves.
"God Bless that Ape Wellington for showing us all that extremely boring balloon flight is possible!"

- or -

Friend: "Do you smell bananas?"

Woman: "No."

- or -

Woman: "Have you found the problem?"

OBGYN: "No, but this here is delicious."

- or -

Tickles Brick Tickles: "Honey! Come back! I thought you would enjoy it!"

Woman: "Why?"

Tickles Brick Tickles: "At least your twat doesn't smell like fish."

- or -

Ape: "Wunhh wunhh wooo wooo!"

Woman (to self): "O, why did I ever have sex with an ape? He has no idea what goes where!"
by scorpionmintred February 27, 2009
mugGet the Ape Wellingtonmug.

white eyeliner

The act of ejaculating on a woman's face -- via either wild masturbation or a priceless blow job -- and then using your cock to rub jism around the woman's eye as if applying eyeliner.

The woman is then ready for a fanstastic night on the town! All that remains is for you to put on her dirty sanchez disguise!
Somehow, she looked less like a whore, and more like your mom, when I applied some white eyeliner.
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
mugGet the white eyelinermug.

Easter Basket

General term for all of the parts of a woman related to the storage and dispersal of eggs, including the ovaries, uterus, and vagina.
Woman: "Ow! That bitch just kicked me right in the Easter Basket!"

- or -

Art Critic: "Damn, Picasso, I've never before seen a square Easter Basket".

- or -

OBGYN: "I haven't seen an Easter Basket this messed up since my mom got the egg dye mixed up with the pancake batter".

- or -

ER Doctor: (Removing fragments of chicken-egg shells from inside a woman's vagina) "You really aren't clear on the concept, are you?"
by scorpionmintred February 17, 2010
mugGet the Easter Basketmug.

rude awakening

The act of putting a thumb over the mouth of a bottle of champagne and then agitating it order to bring it to the highest possible pressure. The bottle is then thrust into the anus of an unsuspecting girl (or, preferrably, a sleeping whore), thereby shooting champagne into her rectal cavity violently.

Generally, the finer the whore, the finer the champagne that should be used. In the case of a 4 dollar "ho", malt liquor may be used.
"The recoil from that rude awakening was quite a mess."

- or -

The malt liquor must have fermented in her ass after the rude awakening, because I went to work drunk after that 9 AM rim job.

- or -

"The prostitute wanted to charge me extra after I gave her a rude awakening, but I told her to f' off and left. She couldn't get up without malt liquor leaking out her ass, so she made an un-hasty chase."

- or -

"I rushed my rude awakening and hit the wrong hole. Wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't on the menses at the time. Let's just say there was cotton and chunks of blood everywhere.
by scorpionmintred October 1, 2005
mugGet the rude awakeningmug.

clown moustache

After going down on a woman with unfortunate menses, the area around your mouth will be red, like a clown's.
Woman: "I am now afraid of clowns because after going down on me you had a clown moustache."
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
mugGet the clown moustachemug.

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