q359's definitions

ban cars

An very edgy slogan that environmentalists without any realistic solutions to offer (like hmm, more affordable electric cars?), and angry bicyclists who refuse to upgrade to a more modern (and adult) form of transportation, actually propose in earnest as a thing that society should or could do, as if it would not immediately make modern existence completely impossible, which they might realize if they even took 5 seconds to consider the ramifications of their asinine proposal.

"Cars pollute and drivers are big meanies to me on my bicycle, ban cars! It's not like this would make grocery shopping extremely difficult for most people, prevent anyone from ever traveling more than 50 miles away from their home, and also, I would have no goods or food at all, since literally everything I own was delivered by a truck! This is totally a reasonable solution, and not an adolescent overreaction at all! I'm so superior to you all for not owning a car, oh shit, I need a ride somewhere, better call up my friend who has a car/take an Uber!"

by q359 July 25, 2023

neart

The lesser cousin of a fart, a neart is to a fart as near is to far. A fart that didn't go far. Nearly a fart.

I thought I had to fart but it was just a little seepage of gas, it was a neart.

by q359 July 25, 2023

99.999999%

A completely unscientific, pulled-out-of-the ass statistic that people use that is not based on ANY actual statistical research, when they want to assure you that their very bullheaded, highly-opinionated conclusion is true ALMOST all of the time, but oh-so-humbly admit that there is an infinitesimal, but non-zero, chance of a case happening where they might be wrong. Sometimes people keep it simple and just say 99%, but feel free to add more nines after the decimal the more smug and self-assured you want to sound. A way of having it both ways, and saying "I believe that I am right all the time!" without TECHNICALLY saying that you think you're right ALL the time.

According to the Internet, an ASTOUNDING number of things are true 99.9999999999% of the time.

Dumbass: Sure, it's technically true that someone could be fat because of genetics or glandular issues, but 99.999999% of the time, it's because they're a lazy piece of shit who won't put down the cake.

by q359 July 24, 2023

IQ

A bogus concept that claims to be a measure of intelligence, but in reality, is as problematic as using BMI as a measure of healthy weight. IQ tests have been demonstrated to be culturally biased (that is, they rely heavily on questions that presuppose knowledge of white, Western culture). In reality, intelligence isn't something people are born with varying amounts of, it's a muscle that people choose to exercise or not, and just about anyone (save for the PROFOUNDLY cognitively disabled) can be smart or stupid, depending on whether they choose to be observant of what's really going on around them, pay attention to detail, and learn from experiences both positive and negative, or just walk around the world like a dumbass with their head in the sand. There are many more stupid people in the world, because stupidity is the path of least resistance, being smart takes effort. Some people are better with numbers, memorizing patterns, spatial orientation, sure, but that isn't intelligence, those are just specific skills that people will naturally have varying degrees of. True intelligence or stupidity isn't something that's inborn, it's a choice to pay attention, make good decisions, and seek out helpful information, or not. The fact that so many high-IQ people are good at taking tests, but are complete and utter dumbasses in every other facet of life, should put to rest the idea that IQ means anything at all, but unfortunately, this very stupid myth still persists.

The fact that there are high-IQ people who advocate fascism, but my ex-girlfriend who is technically learning-disabled, and so bad with directions that she could get lost in a NYC street grid, volunteers her time passionately to help immigrants and low-income people, and taught herself Spanish, proves that IQ has jack-all to do with actual intelligence.

by q359 July 24, 2023

patzer

In chess circles, a bad chess player. Often, but not always, an opponent who is not only much worse than you, but actively pisses you off with poor sportsmanship, bad manners at the board (or online), or just general dumbassery.

Keep in mind, patzerism is relative. Everyone is a patzer to someone better. A person who casually plays chess is a patzer to even someone with a basic knowledge of tactics. That person is a patzer to a decent club player. The decent club player is a patzer to the club champion. The club champion is a patzer to Alexandra Botez. Alex is a patzer to Levy Rozman. Levy is a patzer to even a mediocre GM. Every other human being alive is a patzer to Magnus Carlsen, and Magnus is a patzer to Stockfish.

This patzer got his queen out on move 2, coughed in his hands and then touched my pieces immediately afterward, and then offered me a draw after he hung his queen. What a dumbass.

by q359 July 24, 2023

spirituality

A term that means absolutely nothing at all, but that people claim to practice when they want to sound deep, and mystically wise, but it's not RELIGION, they would never practice anything so crass and gauche as RELIGION, of course, they want to let you know that they're not like those silly God-botherers, no, THEY just engage in the exact type of magical thinking as religious followers, but don't even have the "God" excuse to fall back on.

Dumbass: Ever since I fucked up my life, I've decided to begin practicing spirituality. I'm not religious, I'm spiritual.
Rational Person: What the fuck does that even mean?

by q359 July 25, 2023

society

An important concept to human existence, that people in the 21st century have forgotten the entire meaning of (and conservatives just flat-out do not believe in, Margaret Thatcher said it herself).
Society means that everything is not just about YOUR desires all the time, there are other people who matter besides yourself, and that you can't just do what YOU want all the time, you have to consider not only the people immediately in your vicinity, but the rest of the population of your country (and ultimately, the world, but let's work on the small things first, people can't even get that right).

Yes, you have to pay your taxes. Yes, you have to wear your seat belt. Yes, you have to wear a mask (properly!) during a deadly pandemic. No, you can't drive like a fuckhead, cut in lines, and take your guns to fucking Starbucks. You live in a SOCIETY.

by q359 July 25, 2023