q359's definitions

neart

The lesser cousin of a fart, a neart is to a fart as near is to far. A fart that didn't go far. Nearly a fart.

I thought I had to fart but it was just a little seepage of gas, it was a neart.

by q359 July 25, 2023

ban cars

An very edgy slogan that environmentalists without any realistic solutions to offer (like hmm, more affordable electric cars?), and angry bicyclists who refuse to upgrade to a more modern (and adult) form of transportation, actually propose in earnest as a thing that society should or could do, as if it would not immediately make modern existence completely impossible, which they might realize if they even took 5 seconds to consider the ramifications of their asinine proposal.

"Cars pollute and drivers are big meanies to me on my bicycle, ban cars! It's not like this would make grocery shopping extremely difficult for most people, prevent anyone from ever traveling more than 50 miles away from their home, and also, I would have no goods or food at all, since literally everything I own was delivered by a truck! This is totally a reasonable solution, and not an adolescent overreaction at all! I'm so superior to you all for not owning a car, oh shit, I need a ride somewhere, better call up my friend who has a car/take an Uber!"

by q359 July 25, 2023

society

An important concept to human existence, that people in the 21st century have forgotten the entire meaning of (and conservatives just flat-out do not believe in, Margaret Thatcher said it herself).
Society means that everything is not just about YOUR desires all the time, there are other people who matter besides yourself, and that you can't just do what YOU want all the time, you have to consider not only the people immediately in your vicinity, but the rest of the population of your country (and ultimately, the world, but let's work on the small things first, people can't even get that right).

Yes, you have to pay your taxes. Yes, you have to wear your seat belt. Yes, you have to wear a mask (properly!) during a deadly pandemic. No, you can't drive like a fuckhead, cut in lines, and take your guns to fucking Starbucks. You live in a SOCIETY.

by q359 July 25, 2023

DINKWAD

Dual Income, No Kids, With A Dog

This neighborhood is full of smug DINKWAD couples.

by q359 July 25, 2023

99.999999%

A completely unscientific, pulled-out-of-the ass statistic that people use that is not based on ANY actual statistical research, when they want to assure you that their very bullheaded, highly-opinionated conclusion is true ALMOST all of the time, but oh-so-humbly admit that there is an infinitesimal, but non-zero, chance of a case happening where they might be wrong. Sometimes people keep it simple and just say 99%, but feel free to add more nines after the decimal the more smug and self-assured you want to sound. A way of having it both ways, and saying "I believe that I am right all the time!" without TECHNICALLY saying that you think you're right ALL the time.

According to the Internet, an ASTOUNDING number of things are true 99.9999999999% of the time.

Dumbass: Sure, it's technically true that someone could be fat because of genetics or glandular issues, but 99.999999% of the time, it's because they're a lazy piece of shit who won't put down the cake.

by q359 July 24, 2023

Internet Badass Syndrome

An affliction that causes people to say things to people over the distance of an Internet connection that, if they ever DARED to say to a person in a face-to-face conversation, would likely result in them getting knocked on their ass and maybe a trip to the hospital, but behind the safety of their monitor where nobody can physically touch them, they can behave like complete and utter shitbirds with no consequences, because as we all know, the Internet isn't real, of course, and the person you're mouthing off to isn't a real human being, with emotions of their own.

It is closely related to the similar affliction that causes people to become total sociopaths when behind the wheel of a car, where they are similarly safe from physical retribution.

If the technology were invented tomorrow to make it possible to punch a person in the face over TCP/IP, Internet Badass Syndrome would vanish almost overnight, and the Internet would be the most civil, polite place ever.

by q359 July 25, 2023

horseshit

Horseshit is a form of nonsense that is subtly different from bullshit, in that bullshit is something that the person preaching KNOWS is nonsense, but preaches anyway (disingenuously), whereas horseshit is nonsense that the person actually fully believes, because they are stupid.

When Joe Biden says that he cares about migrants, that is bullshit. When Trumpers believe that Biden stole the election, that is horseshit.

by q359 July 25, 2023