A high velocity, airborne, ejection of brown matter that is difficult or impossible to avoid. The result is soiled clothing and/or impregnated skin (particularly the face).
Fuck it... I was strimming the long grass in the back yard and the dogs have laid some hidden piles of crap that I did not see. I have hit a steaming pile and I have been hit by the resulting Shit Shrapnel. It is all over my t-shirt and my face looks like I have a thousand brown freckles. It fucking stinks and I think I may have got some in my mouth...
by normanstanleyfletcher September 16, 2017
A shit that is so large that it protrudes above the water line of the toilet. It is similar in shape and size to an ocean volcano that, following eruption on the sea bed, forces it's summit out through the waves. Like the volcano, there may also be a ghostly mist coming from the peak.
Oh my god, who has been to the toilet and left Mount St. Shit in the pan...? Quick get some climbing irons and a small flag - this climb is going to be a challenge.
by normanstanleyfletcher July 02, 2016
An activity, usually a long drive to coast, that is taken to relieve the gloom of every day life. Used to lift the spirits, get out of the house, get away from the tv / console and hide from responsibilities.
There is fuck all on tv, the wife is constantly nagging, the baby is crying and the dog has puked on the carpet. Bollocks to the world, I'm taking a long gloom lifter. I will return when I can once again see a purpose to life.
by normanstanleyfletcher July 02, 2016
When one comes across a female of such great beauty, one is compelled to commit any form of depraved sexual act. Falling to such a low that one would even indulge in drinking the urine of the lady in question from a place that was almost certain to result in pain - in order to reach sexual gratification and impress the girl.
Look at her in her tight top, micro-skirt and high heeled shoes - hair waving in the summer breeze. I would lick her piss off a nettle.
by normanstanleyfletcher November 21, 2016
When attempting to urinate in the toilet pan, or urinal, the stream of one's piss breaks into two distinct sub-streams. The result of this phenomenon being that meaningful aim is rendered impossible - ultimately causing piss covered feet, yellow stained trousers or damp knees. The name is derived from the triangle formation of the streams - the angle of which, combined with the aimer's height results in a mathematical impossibility for accuracy.
Fuck, I've got an important presentation and pissangulation has caused me to wet my buff coloured strides and suede shoes - I look like an incontinent fool.
by normanstanleyfletcher April 18, 2015
The use of an alternative phonetic alphabet, by those not having a grasp of the correct substitutions, using inappropriate words. These words usually being rude, crass or parts of the anatomy. The best time one should opt to use Inappropriate Phonetics would be when communicating by poor phone connection to a faceless call centre.
Yes I confirm my forename is John, that is Jism-Orgasm-Horny-Nuts, and my surname is Smith, that is Scrotum-Muff-Idiot-Twat-Hard.... Oh, you say you don't appreciate my inappropriate phonetics - how about we revert to the english alphabet and you could listen more carefully...
by normanstanleyfletcher June 06, 2015
A deviation of the Pokey Bum-Wank where a chocolate sweet is used as a replacement for the finger. The sweet treat is inserted into the anus whilst carrying out the five-knuckle-shuffle to heighten the participants' pleasure. This may also be of benefit to those that have to take emergency action to control their blood-sugar levels due to a diabetic emergency - though there is little medical evidence to prove that this will successfully prevent the patient from slipping into a coma mid-wank.
I am feeling particularly horny having left the gym all pumped up and after observing the lycra-clad lovelies that were also working out. However, I have unsuccessfully kept control of my blood-sugars and need to take urgent action. I think I will kill two birds with one stone and have myself a Flakey Bum-Wank.
by normanstanleyfletcher April 05, 2025