mockschmock's definitions

baker's dozen

The exhausting phenomenon of having thirteen loose bowel evacuations in one 24 hour period. Especially while on holiday in Mexico or in Majorca on your 30th birthday with seven of your mates.

'I really thought Paul was going to make a baker's dozen but he bust and had his 14th at five to midnight. That's 20 euros wasted then.'

by mockschmock December 9, 2006

Fuck me with a ragman's trumpet

Expression of surprise, quite long but effective at getting all the surprisedness out in one breath. For 'ragman' think Steptoe/Sanford & Son. Aha.

'Well fuck me with a ragman's trumpet. There IS a Santa.'

by mockschmock December 9, 2006

buggering arseholes

Expletive to be used when a simple "Shit!" just won't cut the mustard.

Oh buggering arseholes, I've sent the porn subscription to Aunt Mabel and the get well soon card to Paul Raymond Publishing.

by mockschmock December 14, 2006

threw a seven

Came to an untimely end. Booked a last minute ticket across the River Styx. Jumped the queue at the pearly gates.

Snodgrass was only 37 when, on the golf course, he threw a seven. It nearly put me off my putt.

by mockschmock December 15, 2006

galloping gut rot

Violent, unpredictable and rather unpleasant bout of "Delhi Belly".
Sudden, malodorous and disconcerting onset of liquifaction of one's latest meal.

"We'd best leave now, sir, you have a bad case of galloping gut rot."
"I know, but let me just sign this treaty, first."
(PM Tony Blair to President Bush, Circa 2004)

by mockschmock December 9, 2006

fuck my hat, I didn't know that

Rhyming expression for use when you really didn't know something, and were maybe even the last person on earth to find out. Goes to show you really do learn something new every day.

'You mean you can't get pregnant by sharing a facecloth? Fuck my hat, I didn't know that!'

by mockschmock December 9, 2006

Bought The Farm

Passed away. Expired. Vacated this worldly plain. Snuffed it.
Also Throw a seven

Mrs Tiggywinkle? It's PC Bobs, here. I'm afraid I have some upsetting news. Your husband was crossing the M4 and, well I'm afraid he bought the farm. Squashed flatter than a witch's tit. He was.
We scraped Him up as best we could. He's in this bucket. I shouldn't look if I were you.

by mockschmock December 14, 2006