5 definitions by jsizzle82
When you are a Mormon, and you aren't married by the age of 25, your standards tend to become more lax. This phenomenon is not unlike that of a bar at closing time. LDS men and women who would not otherwise have any particular mutual attraction or interest wind up together because, within this community, if you are not married by the time you are 30, you will be a spinster / bachelor for life. To an outsider, this arrangement may seem like a cruel fate, but it bears reminding that in the Mormon religion, the sealing is an important step to gaining eternal life. In Matthew 16:19, Jesus said “And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven”
A mormon couple's non-mormon friends are talking about them across the room.
Non-mormon man: "What's the deal with those two? They don't seem to fit as a couple."
Non-mormon woman: "Dude, they met at Mormon Last Call."
Non-mormon man: "What's the deal with those two? They don't seem to fit as a couple."
Non-mormon woman: "Dude, they met at Mormon Last Call."
by jsizzle82 July 12, 2014
The sort of man who is trying to date you and generally has his shit together but he's not particularly attractive so you, along with any other woman in which he expresses an interest, politely decline him.
by jsizzle82 March 14, 2018
When you have sex while listening to The Planets Suite Op. 32 by Gustav Holst, you start waving your dick around like a conductor's baton for Mars the Bringer of War, then you rigorously eat your girl out to Venus Bringer of Peace, followed by rhythmic fistibg during Mercury the Winged Messenger and a long deep throating for the "I vow to thee my country" interlude in Jupiter, Bringer of Jolity. Then you both get up and go to the bathroom during Saturn, the bringer of old age. The action resumes during Uranus, the Magician as the girl puts on a strap on and GOES TO TOWN. Finally, by the time you hear Neptune the Mystic, you both have leg cramps and then you both jump out of bed and that's pretty much it because you both have work in the morning.
by jsizzle82 September 13, 2019
A person trying to sound a lot smarter than they actually are but also dress in a manner that leaves very little to the imagination.
That man at the beach was using fancy words but didn't quite know how to use them, but that's OK because he's packing it down there. He's a Speedo-Intellectual.
by jsizzle82 September 10, 2020
by jsizzle82 April 8, 2013