2 definitions by iamnotacrook

Edmonton handshake

Grasp large knife. Plunge said knife into someone's chest. You have now completed the "Edmonton handshake". Known as "stabbing" or "knifing" in less crime-ridden cities. Most often used for no apparent reason, likely on someone elderly, smaller than you, or someone with nicer clothes than you. Be especially careful of the Edmonton handshake after denying an Indian a cigarette.

Visitor: "What the hell, you just stabbed me!"

Edmontonian: "Fuck your innocence, and welcome to Edmonton!"

Paramedic: "Not another Edmonton handshake!"

by iamnotacrook February 14, 2010

Canada's History

The 'Canada's History' is an extremely vile, yet strangely satisfying, sex act that originated in the Moose Jaw, SK, General Hospital Psychiatric ward in 1987. It is now practiced throughout Canada, especially in the cold parts, by children, adults, and seniors alike. The act itself involves the male genitalia being dipped in maple syrup before being made to negotiate a pair of Moose antlers which have been strapped to the female's groin area. Male beginners at this move may choose to wear a protective sports cup on the their groin while practicing this skill with their friends--this is often referred to on the schoolyards of Canada as the "Stanley Cup". Regional differences do exist in regards to the 'Canada's History' however. In maritime Canada and northern Quebec, where human-looking and smelling females have long since become extinct, the use of a seal instead of a human female is accepted. While the normal version of the "Canada's History" is culminated by both parties needlessly apologizing to each other, the Maritime/N. Quebec version ends with the clubbing of the aforementioned seal.

"I wonder if mom and dad know we can hear them doing the Canada's History"

by iamnotacrook February 7, 2010