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A spare dick in a fucking contest

To describe a someone who gives little or no contribution to a task.
"Jenny didn't help at all, she just stood around like a spare dick in a fucking contest"
by hteb78 April 29, 2013
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Leg of Salmon

A leg of salmon is usually used as a joke in the work place and is generally used to test the gullibility of a new employee. It starts off by the manager or someone of senior authority asking the unsuspecting employee to carry out a personal favour for them. In this case the boss has asked the new employee if he/she minds going to the fish mongers to collect the leg of salmon that the boss had ordered earlier. Wanting to impress his/hers new boss the new employee (not giving a second thought of what he/she has been asked to do) willingly obliges to go on the errand only to be told by the fishmonger (in the tone of 1+1=2) that salmon don't have legs and return back to their place of work (usually to be greeted by hysterical laughter) looking as pink as a salmon.
Boss: "Jimmy"
Jimmy: "Yes Sir."
Boss: "Could I ask a favour?"
Jimmy: "Certainly Sir."
Boss: "The CEO has called a meeting this afternoon and I have ordered a leg of salmon from the fishmongers over the road, please could you collect it for me, as I wont have time after the meeting. All you have to say is "I have come to collect the leg of salmon reserved for Mr Smith".
Jimmy: "Oh yes Sir. I'll do it straight away Sir."
by hteb78 October 19, 2014
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Refusing to Soldier

A term used by the military to describe an act of insubordination.
If a member of the military refuses to carry out a task or instruction which is part of their normal line duty then they are described as Refusing to Soldier. This is a very serious offence as it is classed as insubordination, which is serious enough for the offerer to be sent to military prison.
by hteb78 August 6, 2015
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Darken the doorstep

To Darken the Doorstep is when you go to someone's home and you cast a shadow over their doorstep. It usually used to describe the action of someone you know and haven't seen for a while unexpectedly turns up at your home or it's something you tell an unwanted visitor not to do ever again.
Sue: "OMG, you never guess who had the nerve to darken the doorstep this morning."
Pat: "Who?"

Sue: "Jo!"
Pat: "Jo, Jo who?"
Sue: " you know the one that coursed all that trouble at my party."
Pat: " Oooh! That Jo, haven't seen her around here for ages, did you invite her in?"
Sue: " No I did not! Told her to clear off and to never darken my doorstep again."
by hteb78 November 16, 2017
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Platting fog

something that is imposable to do
1) it's like trying to plat fog

2) I've got more chance of platting fog.....
by hteb78 November 10, 2012
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A one legged man in an arse kicking contest.

To describe a useless object or person.
About as useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest...
by hteb78 November 27, 2012
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Jelly Ladder

To describe a useless object or person
About as useful as a Jelly ladder........
by hteb78 November 27, 2012
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