1 definition by flowersinyourhair
As in the form/document, either on paper, or electronic.
Applications are dreaded tools used to measure the abilities of a person. Generally biased, these applications are filled out be the person who is the subject of these talent measurements.
Applications can include those for work, college/grad school, and the much mocked, match-making websites.
Things to put on a college application:
Grades.
Avoid the inclusion of those below average, and any grade below an A. If you only have one A in your high school career, have the decency to pretend you have others. Remember, high GPA's look good.
References.
If you are an a-hole of a student, don't get a reference from a teacher. Pick up a few pieces of garbage while the janitor is watching, and have him recommend you. Maybe bribe him, but no more that 5 dollars. That would be tacky.
Test Scores.
Don't take the tests, just write down whatever you feel like. Don't score yourself too high, for most people, a 300 on the SAT is enough of a stretch. It's out of 2400, you know.
Extra Curriculars and/or Services performed.
Sexual favors do not count for this, unless you bone a virgin. This is a service. Providing others with new experiences is never a bad thing.
Things to include in a job application:
Previous experience:
Yes, we mean in bed...or in the backseat of the car, the bed of a pickup truck, the park bench, under the bleechers, in the public pool, in a public fountain, the ballpit at mcdonald's...the kinkier the better. Employers don't care where you've worked before, they want to know the juicy details of your sex life.
References:
Just leave your best friends' cell phone number as the contact and list them as Billy Bush, that guy you used to mow grass for.
Drug Test:
Pee on the sheet of paper. It makes things easier. They won't have to ask for a sample.
Things to include in your profile on a matchmaking website:
Physical Apperance:
For Men: Say that you are tall dark and handsome with 12-pack abs. and a meaty, footlong bratwurst.
If this isn't you, then lie. Everyone is looking for someone hot, why would they purposely look for someone average? this way you mislead them, and you will meet them. pretty much if you're average looking or ugly, you have no chance on these websites.
For Women: Be honest about your hair/eye color. List your boob size as 1 cup larger, don't talk about your weight at all. Like whatever the man likes. They think that's sexy. Be superficial.
Applications are dreaded tools used to measure the abilities of a person. Generally biased, these applications are filled out be the person who is the subject of these talent measurements.
Applications can include those for work, college/grad school, and the much mocked, match-making websites.
Things to put on a college application:
Grades.
Avoid the inclusion of those below average, and any grade below an A. If you only have one A in your high school career, have the decency to pretend you have others. Remember, high GPA's look good.
References.
If you are an a-hole of a student, don't get a reference from a teacher. Pick up a few pieces of garbage while the janitor is watching, and have him recommend you. Maybe bribe him, but no more that 5 dollars. That would be tacky.
Test Scores.
Don't take the tests, just write down whatever you feel like. Don't score yourself too high, for most people, a 300 on the SAT is enough of a stretch. It's out of 2400, you know.
Extra Curriculars and/or Services performed.
Sexual favors do not count for this, unless you bone a virgin. This is a service. Providing others with new experiences is never a bad thing.
Things to include in a job application:
Previous experience:
Yes, we mean in bed...or in the backseat of the car, the bed of a pickup truck, the park bench, under the bleechers, in the public pool, in a public fountain, the ballpit at mcdonald's...the kinkier the better. Employers don't care where you've worked before, they want to know the juicy details of your sex life.
References:
Just leave your best friends' cell phone number as the contact and list them as Billy Bush, that guy you used to mow grass for.
Drug Test:
Pee on the sheet of paper. It makes things easier. They won't have to ask for a sample.
Things to include in your profile on a matchmaking website:
Physical Apperance:
For Men: Say that you are tall dark and handsome with 12-pack abs. and a meaty, footlong bratwurst.
If this isn't you, then lie. Everyone is looking for someone hot, why would they purposely look for someone average? this way you mislead them, and you will meet them. pretty much if you're average looking or ugly, you have no chance on these websites.
For Women: Be honest about your hair/eye color. List your boob size as 1 cup larger, don't talk about your weight at all. Like whatever the man likes. They think that's sexy. Be superficial.
I have to fill out this application by monday! I have to achieve greatness by then, or just lie about it.
by flowersinyourhair September 1, 2009