captmurk's definitions

Ghouly Wand

When you stick your finger in your butthole and fish hook someone.

There are two types of people in the world: those who give wet willies, and those who give ghouly wands.

by captmurk May 25, 2018

Mini Van Rage

A person, usually male, who drives a mini van with anger and recklessness. It is a reflection of a person's aggravation with what their life has become. These people likely hate the fact that they had way more kids than they intended, and the pressure of accommodating these high maintenance brats, in combination with having to drive such an embarrassing vehicle, has reached a boiling point. They can be commonly spotted doing 90mph on the freeway swerving in and out of lanes cursing to themselves.

Bystander 1: Wow, did you see that guy?!?! He almost killed two pedestrians and a dog while blowing that stop sign.

Bystander 2: Yeah, classic mini van rage. He's probably late to a parent/teacher meeting.

by captmurk November 13, 2013

Majority Privilege

What white privilege should actually be called. Could also be referred to as common sense. Describes the naturally occurring phenomenon in which being apart of the majority has at least some measurable advantage. Applies to any majority group, anywhere, at any point in time. Whites have an advantage in North America and Europe in a similar way that Asians have an advantage in China, Hispanics have an advantage in Columbia, Muslims have an advantage in Iran, Jews have an advantage in Israel, conservatives have an advantage in Birmingham, liberals have an advantage in Portland, etc.

My majority privilege seemed to evaporate the moment I landed in Liberia.

by captmurk July 23, 2018

Chard

A better abbreviation for 'Richard'

Dave: "Hey Chard, how you been?"
Chard: "My name is Richard, but you can call me Rich, Rick, Ricky, or Dick"
Dave: "No, your name is Chard"

by captmurk August 22, 2014

Wishlist Giving

Giving a gift to someone that is really a gift to yourself.

Wife: Merry Christmas, honey. Here you go.
Husband: Thanks, babe. I wonder what it could....WTF? A heated toilet seat?!?!
Wife: I know right! Hurry up and install it!
Husband: That's just great. Wishlist giving twat.

by captmurk December 9, 2013

Ballzheimers

The outrageous and perverted sense of courage old men acquire upon realize how little they have to lose. Those diagnosed with ballzheimers can be commonly spotted groping young women in line at stores, or shouting out absurd rants at strangers.

Old guy shouts across the geriatric ward: "Hey, Betty! Bring that fine ass over here and twerk it for me girl!"
Nurse: "Look, Harvey, your ballzheimers is getting way out of hand. Just sit back, be quiet, and finish your Tapioca."

by captmurk December 26, 2013

Altarbaiting

When a woman goes out of her way to please her man while dating, only to abandon these things entirely once married.

Friend 1: "Dude, I think I'm in love with this girl. She deepthroats, cooks for me every night, and cleaned my entire apartment this weekend."
Friend 2: "Sounds like a classic case of altarbaiting to me. Careful, bro.

by captmurk November 21, 2013