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by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle's definitions

Nogtard's pants

Tent-sized light blue Y-fronts worn by Nogtard. First spotted on 22nd August when Nogtard stopped in the street and lifted his polo shirt. The pants were halfway up his chest and of a style not made since 1987. How often he changes them is anyone's guess.
Are we getting a marquee for my birthday party?

Not sure we'll get one big enough for all those guests we've got coming. We'll have to use Nogtard's pants instead.
by by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle August 22, 2009
mugGet the Nogtard's pantsmug.

Nogtard's Tongue

The largest member of the slug family, a slimy purple beast weighing over 4 pounds. This species is believed to have a world population of one, the individual in question residing in the mouth of a fat black moron known as Nogtard. It is force-fed a diet of Sargent's apple pies, Hill's ginger biscuits and Smart Price vanilla ice cream.
You can keep your tarantulas, pythons and grizzlies. The most fearsome, disgusting creature in the world is Nogtard's Tongue.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle August 1, 2009
mugGet the Nogtard's Tonguemug.

Pork Scotch walk

The slowest walking speed possible. Only fat old security guards with short stumpy legs can achieve this incredibly slow rate of movement. Given a headwind and a hangover the Pork Scotch walk can compete with continental drift for lack of swiftness.
Is that fat guy sleeping on his feet?

No he's on his way to work. He's so old and flabby he can't go any faster than a Pork Scotch walk.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle August 16, 2009
mugGet the Pork Scotch walkmug.

Caravandal

A person who is so tall they can destroy a caravan by just standing up in it. As he stands up the caravandal's head smashes through the roof and the caravan is then ruined.
Anyone who is 5' 10" should be banned from caravans. They're all caravandals.
mugGet the Caravandalmug.

Scotch Fugly

The highest level of ugliness. A truly unbelievable degree of repulsiveness usually only achieved by little fat security guards.
Ugliness levels:

1 ugly

2 pug ugly

3 fugly

4 pug fugly

5 super pug fugly

6 scotch fugly
mugGet the Scotch Fuglymug.

Maxwells

A South African word for 'bollocks'. The word was coined in the 1980s by South Africans who came to realise that English men called Maxwell talk nothing but bollocks.
Pork Scotch: I've got a girlfriend.

South African person: Maxwells! That's not a girl. Its a vampire turkey from hell.
mugGet the Maxwellsmug.

Braai

South African word for a barbecue. According to Pork Scotch and Goofy Granny this is "the only way to eat" and even "the only way to live". In reality however it is the only way to be fat and gay and wear pink flowery shorts.
For normal people a braai is something reserved for special occasions. For Scotch Man Porky Wawky its something you do at least once a day if the sun is out.
mugGet the Braaimug.

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