6 definitions by bootcutter67
New Sharlston, ex mining village built solely for the purpose of housing hard working miners. Since the mine closed in 1995 theres has been only one job opportunity in New Sharlston. A village of 200 people with one person employed as a taxi driver. The children of the old miners are now adults who have never worked, they spend their days routing for coal in the old pit stakes, stealing alloy wheels, burning tyres, walking lurchers and drinking cider. The place reakes of rubber and shit. They all claim benefits due to the lack of employment in the village. All are related, recognised by orange hair. It's not a pleasant place, I don't recommend visiting on Mondays as strangers are often roasted on bbqs. I recommend visiting on Tuesday if you have to, when they get benefits get paid you are less likely to be eaten.
by bootcutter67 March 9, 2023
Sharlston Community school, although officially a school for 4 to 11 year olds, the average pupil age is 42. Sadly due to the deprivation in the area, children are held back each year. Those that fair worst are 17th generation Sharlston related to their brothers, mums, sisters, cousins, dad. It's normal to date the next door neighbour who's probably already their first cousin. They will aspire to one day have their own council house and go to pay weekly sofas for a 3 piece suite. Nutrition is poor so children are often clinically obese, the average child is at least 6 stone over the recommend bmi. The school serves meat pie, turkey dinasours and custard every day, the 5 dehydrated peas in the offal pie count as the 5 a day , the head cook Shazza says she's extremely proud of her healthy wholesome menu. The pta often fund raise, selling raffle tickets, to fund the new roof. Sadly the money is paid maintain the teachers wine fund and to pay off ofsted with no benefit to the school. Lessons are not planned, with Chinese nail beauticians paid peanuts to watch the children while the teachers swan off on school trips to Italy without the children.
by bootcutter67 April 20, 2023
Knottingley a town like no other, if you think Castleford is bad, wow you'll be begging for a lift back to Cas from drug dealer Caden in his stolen fiat 500, the moment you step foot in this hell hole. Not giving a dam hes high on crack, smack and crystal meth. Knottla as its affectionately known, is as toxic as chernoble, people have extra limbs, three eyes and black teeth. Nothing lives in Knottla apart from smokers for some odd reason they survive immune to the radioactivity and Staffordshire bull terriers. Although uglier than standard Staffies. If you have to visit I recommend a lead suit and a covid mask. Do not take any personal possessions as you will be mugged. People only go there to buy drugs or spread gods word, although it's rare outsiders survive a visit, a bible my offer some protection but will not save you from growing an extra head.
by bootcutter67 March 9, 2023
Crofton academy, Wakefield this is a very special school serving the villages of Sharlston, Streethouse occasionally children from Crofton attend. Although they are terrorised by the streethousers and often fear for their lives. Muggings and kidnapping in the corridors are rife, shoes and water bottles are often stolen. The teachers are oblivious to the mafia gangs, all being of a narcissistic type, they are to busy strutting around checking their own reflection in the windows. Blazers are compulsory to give the air of organisation, smart children mean good grades said the head. Grades are not great, with a whole host of narcissistic teachers the only topics the teachers excel in are themselves. The children that excel are those that deal green, going on to be mastermind crack dealers. The teachers are all extremely proud of themselves, holding yearly top teacher Oscars. Parents are banned from complaining and only complements are accepted. Parents who complain are reported to social services for insanity. Ofsted inspectors are blinded by the charm of the narcissistic teachers, giving a excellent grade every year unaware of the gun smuggling and crystal meth laboratory disgused as a science laboratory. The meth lab is extremely profitable with exports going as far as Istanbul.
by bootcutter67 April 20, 2023
Ex mining village until recently was cut off, due to no bus service. Most people are related to each other. They have a fish shop, shop, pubs, doctors, park, postoffice which only opens when no one’s looking.
There is community centre locals are discouraged from using in case they pinch tea bags or do not wash up. Most children are 19th generation Sharlston, whether things will change now they have a bus, only time will tell. Those that brave the Wakefield bus complain it’s a perilous journey. Once some took the Castleford bus and never returned. The bus company is relentless, replacing the bus stops which locals remove.
The shop sells energy drinks and lager so covers the whole days hydration.
At tea time locals meet at the park for chips. There’s a group trying get the park classified as a nature reserve, many rats regularly feast on the locals left overs. It’s the only animal that survives in Sharlston, people feel it should be protected they have heard Europe will give a grant towards the nature reserve. The water supply was cut off many years ago, no one ever noticed until someone tried to set up a car wash in 2015. The guy was part of the team that set off on the Castleford bus. As he never returned his complaint wasnt followed up.
Occasionally outsiders move to Sharlston, they stand out like sore thumbs, they have straight teeth and their eyes move in unison.
There is community centre locals are discouraged from using in case they pinch tea bags or do not wash up. Most children are 19th generation Sharlston, whether things will change now they have a bus, only time will tell. Those that brave the Wakefield bus complain it’s a perilous journey. Once some took the Castleford bus and never returned. The bus company is relentless, replacing the bus stops which locals remove.
The shop sells energy drinks and lager so covers the whole days hydration.
At tea time locals meet at the park for chips. There’s a group trying get the park classified as a nature reserve, many rats regularly feast on the locals left overs. It’s the only animal that survives in Sharlston, people feel it should be protected they have heard Europe will give a grant towards the nature reserve. The water supply was cut off many years ago, no one ever noticed until someone tried to set up a car wash in 2015. The guy was part of the team that set off on the Castleford bus. As he never returned his complaint wasnt followed up.
Occasionally outsiders move to Sharlston, they stand out like sore thumbs, they have straight teeth and their eyes move in unison.
by bootcutter67 February 10, 2019
Pavement Womble. Although a rare breed of people, they are extremely common on pavements. Even outside of peak times these people stride the pavements relentlessly, picking times to head out when they see passers by approaching. The main thing about the breed of human called the pavement womble is they not only have a forward motion, the also womble from side to side. This slows them down but also blocks none wombes from passing by, in effect they take up twice the space of normal humans. They are a danger, especially to children, a womble in can easily squash a small child without even realizing. Trying to pass them isnt easy, sometimes people are forced to step around them but they are run over by passing cars, as they do not anticipate the side wards movement. Pavements that are regularly used by wombles can subside, so there are calls for womble lanes with reinforced concrete to be created. At the moment mps defending wombles rights are asking for bus lanes to be converted to womble lanes. Pavement wombles should be given at least a 2 meter circle of avoidance as you never know the direction they may womble. Often wombles are overweight, this is considered a contributing factor to the amount they may sway. Its especially dangerous to consider passing a pavement womble in the wind, children and elderly should avoid them at all costs. The anti womble society advise crossing the road to avoid them. They are calling for a ban on pavement wombles during the school runs.
by bootcutter67 February 24, 2023