Zamboozee's definitions

Plagiarism

Intellectual copyright theft of the worst kind, or passing off; a ripe forgery in the literary sphere; taking something one took the time and trouble to write out again in a slightly different form and claiming it as one’s own inimitable work as coming from the sweat of one’s brow, and so then, in some vital respect, it must be one’s own work, if only because if one took the time and trouble to do it again in a slightly different way then it must be one’s own intellectual copyright material to do with as one wishes, and so legally, in consequence, it is therefore still intellectual theft from its original owner, and decidedly so also, but then becomes serious only if it is found out.

It was not that the author disagreed with what was written one jot, as he has written it himself, it was that someone else had taken it and published it in his own name, which was plagiarism of the worst kind, and especially so since its original author had not been paid a penny for it either.

by Zamboozee April 5, 2011

Officiousnado

A pretentious non-entity; somebody who does not completely lord it over all he surveys at the workplace or at a social gathering but would obviously like to, he being a sort of “straw-boss” of officious ceremonies, or, if not exactly so, something quite close to being so.

Why, if I did not know any better, my man, I’d call you an officiousnado, but the only reason I’d rather not is that I don’t particularly like spouting compound words or otherwise inventing neologisms while I’m incensed enough to make them up over such an insignificant, pushy little fellow as you obviously are.

by Zamboozee May 4, 2011

Vermicelli

Another name for thin spaghetti, which on inspection looks much like small worms one eats, rather than ones that eat one; also, it not being a word derived from an Italianate word that means the plural of musical vermin playing the cello badly, although this could become a popular misconception of its meaning if one put one’s mind to it.

“You’ve burnt the vermicelli,” the banker said to his wife, who had heard it all before, as she did it deliberately every Friday to annoy him whenever he annoyed her over exceeding her weekly housekeeping allowance.

by Zamboozee April 15, 2011

Frond

A decorative border of fig leaves; a leaf shaped somewhat like a narrow phallus, as of a seaweed or lichen; personal regalia often used as camouflage by US Marines in hot climates in World War II, but not presently being recommended in the US Armed Services for wear as camouflage or other bodily ornament, for those unfortunates currently serving in an urban jungle of forgotten dreams, or other built up areas or ethnic urban ghettos, either in the States or elsewhere.

The Marine said, “My frond is slipping,” having little or no dress sense while in his current deployment in the field, as he should have just been wearing the right makeup or other appropriate camouflage for the job in the desert of forgotten dreams.

by Zamboozee April 13, 2011

Man-Bag

A man who has let himself be used by another man as a carry-all on the street for narcotics such as crack cocaine or heroine, the drugs in question being rolled up in condoms and then hidden up his bottom and transported to their destination in that way, either by walking, car, motorbike, push-bike, bus, train, ferry, or helicopter, either locally or long distance, but not internationally.

My dear chap, all I want you to do this morning is to transport these rolled up condoms full of cocaine through the streets up your bottom. There is no question of you being a Man-Bag for me, as I will not even be on the street with you, as this is something you are doing for your own profit and entirely of your own volition.

by Zamboozee May 11, 2011

Bottleism

A way of doing something worthwhile for oneself regardless of the consequences, despite running the risk of being ignored by all and sundry as a result.

Without bottleism, my boy, you're nobody, and it is better by far to have a bit of bottle in you and to be somebody, than not to ever have any bottle at all and to bottle out of life altogether, and so risk being accused by your peers of never having lived.

by Zamboozee May 28, 2011

Death

The naturally holistic remedy for living popularly seen by most people as being a life-changing event not quite being the opposite of life, but very close to it; or, perhaps more relevantly, some strange metaphysical event to do with the even stranger metaphysical event of being born that, as a consequence, cannot possibly be avoided and so is preferably something to be kept at arm’s length as long as possible, or until it is too late to be avoided anyway.

It is not the concept of death per se that is the problem, it is the knowing that one is dead after one is dead, so to speak, either in heaven or hell, or elsewhere, that can really keep you up at night with insomnia, dead or alive.

by Zamboozee April 13, 2011