Zamboozee's definitions

Cretinous-Cretinalias

A Latinised-sounding high-brow word for a dumb-arsed dumb-bunny, usually being one with incipient learning difficulties, who thus is going to spend half his life in a mental funk because he can do nothing right and the other half tormented by the question of why he can do nothing right, and so, in the evolutionary stakes, is in fact a born loser.

I suppose that in describing your behaviour you’d have to be called a cretinous-cretinalias, if only because you look so confoundedly like a classic one.

by Zamboozee April 29, 2011

Dying

The ultimate state of excitement in a person’s life before a more relaxing interlude takes place; or, a very important event not to be missed by not paying enough attention to it at the time, as, in the rush someone might inadvertently miss the moment of his own death by mistake (or, what is inherent in the process of dying, the precise moment of his death), and so would find himself in a right state because he would not quite know what to do with himself next, he being dead, as he having missed paying enough attention at the time to the second most important event in his life, which would clearly be a right kettle of fish.

Die inadvertently, my word! that would be the last thing I’d do, as dying is a thing that must be done right, even if one has not particularly managed to live well.

by Zamboozee April 15, 2011

Escargatoire

A snail hostelry; being a place where snails can snuggle up to each other and relax without fear of being trodden on with the hobnail boots of a passing deity, rather like as with mankind with his relation to a country inn on coming back from a hard day’s labour.

If a thoughtless snail can have faith in where it is going when it crosses the road to get to its escargatoire, why then cannot a man, who is much smarter, cross the street without going in fear of his life? Is it because he thinks he lives in fear, or that he does not think like a snail?

by Zamboozee March 5, 2011

Frond

A decorative border of fig leaves; a leaf shaped somewhat like a narrow phallus, as of a seaweed or lichen; personal regalia often used as camouflage by US Marines in hot climates in World War II, but not presently being recommended in the US Armed Services for wear as camouflage or other bodily ornament, for those unfortunates currently serving in an urban jungle of forgotten dreams, or other built up areas or ethnic urban ghettos, either in the States or elsewhere.

The Marine said, “My frond is slipping,” having little or no dress sense while in his current deployment in the field, as he should have just been wearing the right makeup or other appropriate camouflage for the job in the desert of forgotten dreams.

by Zamboozee April 13, 2011

Man-Bag

A man who has let himself be used by another man as a carry-all on the street for narcotics such as crack cocaine or heroine, the drugs in question being rolled up in condoms and then hidden up his bottom and transported to their destination in that way, either by walking, car, motorbike, push-bike, bus, train, ferry, or helicopter, either locally or long distance, but not internationally.

My dear chap, all I want you to do this morning is to transport these rolled up condoms full of cocaine through the streets up your bottom. There is no question of you being a Man-Bag for me, as I will not even be on the street with you, as this is something you are doing for your own profit and entirely of your own volition.

by Zamboozee May 11, 2011

Plagiarism

Intellectual copyright theft of the worst kind, or passing off; a ripe forgery in the literary sphere; taking something one took the time and trouble to write out again in a slightly different form and claiming it as one’s own inimitable work as coming from the sweat of one’s brow, and so then, in some vital respect, it must be one’s own work, if only because if one took the time and trouble to do it again in a slightly different way then it must be one’s own intellectual copyright material to do with as one wishes, and so legally, in consequence, it is therefore still intellectual theft from its original owner, and decidedly so also, but then becomes serious only if it is found out.

It was not that the author disagreed with what was written one jot, as he has written it himself, it was that someone else had taken it and published it in his own name, which was plagiarism of the worst kind, and especially so since its original author had not been paid a penny for it either.

by Zamboozee April 5, 2011

Death

The naturally holistic remedy for living popularly seen by most people as being a life-changing event not quite being the opposite of life, but very close to it; or, perhaps more relevantly, some strange metaphysical event to do with the even stranger metaphysical event of being born that, as a consequence, cannot possibly be avoided and so is preferably something to be kept at arm’s length as long as possible, or until it is too late to be avoided anyway.

It is not the concept of death per se that is the problem, it is the knowing that one is dead after one is dead, so to speak, either in heaven or hell, or elsewhere, that can really keep you up at night with insomnia, dead or alive.

by Zamboozee April 13, 2011