Zamboozee's definitions

Gymnopaedia

A yearly get together promoted by a load of ancient Spartans to peruse the equality of their youth, by allowing them to parade their prowess before them through the formalization of pederastic pedagogy via the medium of dancing; or, alternatively, a kinky Greek word not actually meaning the morbid fear of gyms, but it is quite close to being so, and which originally probably came about by knowing too much about what happens to young men in them.

Let’s go to the Gymnopaedia, you and I, it’s a good day to heckle those old men ogling the young men there, and teach them a lesson they’ll never forget, and with luck we’ll be able to ogle a few young women as well while we’re at it, just for good measure.

by Zamboozee April 18, 2011

Frenchish

A word or behaviour with a French origin or which has French connotations to it, like ordering French fries at posh restaurants instead of plain old chips.

This funny sounding word “Jouissance” has an old Frenchish origin to it, as if English words describing the same sort of thing were not good enough for you, and you had to go all Francophile over it.

by Zamboozee June 15, 2011

double-dumbass

A handy phrase meaning that the insult of being called a stupid arsehole, or (an alternative interpretation) an asinine fool, can be doubled and can be reflected back to whence it came in a way that turns a totally uncalled for insult flung at its intended target back upon its perpetrator, possibly also in a way not fully understood by its vulgarian receiver, he not being up on such things as witty retorts, or such logical insinuations as this phrase supposedly represents. However, if no other rebuffs spring to mind, in a pinch it does the job nicely.

Watch what you say to me, you double-dumbass, as I wasn’t even talking to you, I was talking to myself!

by Zamboozee May 17, 2011

Man-Bag

A man who has let himself be used by another man as a carry-all on the street for narcotics such as crack cocaine or heroine, the drugs in question being rolled up in condoms and then hidden up his bottom and transported to their destination in that way, either by walking, car, motorbike, push-bike, bus, train, ferry, or helicopter, either locally or long distance, but not internationally.

My dear chap, all I want you to do this morning is to transport these rolled up condoms full of cocaine through the streets up your bottom. There is no question of you being a Man-Bag for me, as I will not even be on the street with you, as this is something you are doing for your own profit and entirely of your own volition.

by Zamboozee May 11, 2011

Frond

A decorative border of fig leaves; a leaf shaped somewhat like a narrow phallus, as of a seaweed or lichen; personal regalia often used as camouflage by US Marines in hot climates in World War II, but not presently being recommended in the US Armed Services for wear as camouflage or other bodily ornament, for those unfortunates currently serving in an urban jungle of forgotten dreams, or other built up areas or ethnic urban ghettos, either in the States or elsewhere.

The Marine said, “My frond is slipping,” having little or no dress sense while in his current deployment in the field, as he should have just been wearing the right makeup or other appropriate camouflage for the job in the desert of forgotten dreams.

by Zamboozee April 13, 2011

Furball

A tightly packed mass of hair regurgitated by a cat or other feline, or a dog, or an other hairy mammal, that comes from it licking itself all day long because it likes to do it, preferably while people are watching. In humans this behaviour has a scientific name, but it still does not make it any less disgusting.

A middle aged balding man with astigmatism and a sinister squint walks into a doctor’s surgery one day and says to the receptionist, “Well Doc. I puked up this massive hairball from my stomach this morning, straight after breakfast, I guess that this means you think I should stop eating my hair them?” Needless to say the receptionist was none too pleased at hearing this news about a man producing a furball for breakfast, not least because she had just came back from lunch.

by Zamboozee April 13, 2011

Officionardo

Somebody who does not completely lord it over all he surveys at the workplace or at a social gathering, but who would like to, he being a sort of “straw-boss” of officious ceremonies or, if not that exactly, something quite close to being so.

I do believe that you’re a bit of an officionardo. I’ve met your kind before, especially in the local Borough Council where you like to stamp every form in sight with a big red stamp and then shove it in the files somewhere, never to be see again.

by Zamboozee May 28, 2011