Yopmail User's definitions

Sex

Where is your brain? Oh, that's right... it doesn't exist! I cannot believe you are retarded enough to look up "sex" on Urban Dictionary. You can try to get it, but you will never have it, for your micropenis can and will scare all women in a 70-mile radius. Fuck off and watch Pornhub instead. Your school blocked it? Too bad.

Pornhub will be the closest you'll ever get to scoring with a woman. You will never have sex. You will forever remain a virgin. End of story.

by Yopmail User August 22, 2022

Printing Press

This sex act requires that you abduct three little girls and strip them naked in your basement. You must then break their knees with a sledgehammer, toss the girls aside, create a mixture of laxatives and your bodily fluids (especially cum and vomit), and let it blend for ten minutes. During these ten minutes, you are to stand a few meters from your desired girl, charge towards her, ram your cock (you can use a spiked dildo, albeit not necessary) up her ass (cunts and mouths are acceptable), and repeat for each girl until the blending finishes. Feed one of the girls your concoction and, with a staple gun, connect the girls' mouths to each other's asses so that they form an endless human centipede. After some time, collect some of their shit and use it to spell out a phrase of your choice. Smear the shit on their faces afterwards and beat off on their backs and faces.

Vomit on a printing press for bonus points.

by Yopmail User August 27, 2023

Sesame Street

While dressed up as Elmo, you slice someone's dick off while the both of you are masturbating and carry the severed dick to a preschool. Make sure you have a woman with you. In the preschool, you enter a classroom, interview the youngest child, and ask them vaguely sexual questions while keeping the severed dick a secret. When the child least expects it, you strip the woman naked, shove the severed dick in the woman's mouth in front of the child (and everyone else, for that matter), and use the blood from the severed penis to draw a dick on her boobs. You must then throw the severed dick in the teacher's mouth, assume control of her laptop, and play snuff films on the smartboard.

This definition of Sesame Street was sponsored by the letter D!

by Yopmail User August 14, 2022

Diet Coke and Mentos

Something half of my definitions involve. See also sex.

The next time you enter a McDonald's restaurant, snatch a kid from his parents, take him to the kitchen, and shove some Diet Coke and Mentos up his ass!

by Yopmail User October 21, 2022

Quizizz

Kahoot for poor people.

If nobody gives Quizizz Inc. a lecture on plagiarism, I'll do it myself!

by Yopmail User November 13, 2022

The Emoji Movie

If you, by some miracle, are actually thinking of watching this school shooting of a "movie," please dial the Suicide Hotline: [phone]. Watching it is, to say the least, an incredibly painful way to fucking die. And to those of you who have watched it, I wish you'd known how much you'd be missed before then.

The Emoji Movie makes the Holocaust look fucking hilarious.

by Yopmail User April 10, 2023

Custer's Revenge

A fun, wholesome Atari 2600 game for the whole family. Developed by Mystique in 1982, you control General George Armstrong Custer and dodge a bunch of arrows to score with a Native American woman. If you want to see what your friends do all the time, this is the game for you.

It's time for Custer's Revenge. You're the native. Enjoy penetration.

by Yopmail User November 23, 2022