Woody Thomas's definitions

urban myth

A bit of folklore widely beleived to be real but that never actually happened.

Examples:

The Babe Ruth "called shot" at Wrigley Field where he pointed to the centerfield scoreboard and then hit the next pitch there.

Zsa Zsa Gabor was on the Johnny Carson show with a cat on her lap and said 'Johnny, vood you like to pet my poo-see?'
To which he replied 'Sure, move the cat.'

Arnold Palmer's wife was on the Carson show and said that before every tournament, 'I kiss his (golf) balls for good luck,' and Johnny said, 'well I'll bet that makes his putter stand up.'

Richard Gere once went to an emergency room to have a gerbil removed from his ass.

Rod Stewart once had to have his stomach pumped due to swallowing an excessive amount of semen

Keith Richards went to Switzerland to have his blood replaced with new blood as an attempt to kick heroin

Jim Morrison flashed his dick at a concert in Miami

Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a live bat

Wilt Chamberlain fucked over 20,000 women

Most urban myths are bullshit

by Woody Thomas January 2, 2009

dry as a powderhorn

Having no beer or other alcoholic beverages in one's possession

Tom: 'hey man, you got any beer at your place?'
Mike: 'uh-uh brother, I'm fuckin' dry as a powderhorn.'

by Woody Thomas July 29, 2008

sailor's handkerchief

when you blow snot out of your nose onto the ground because you don't have a kleenex or hanky to use.

The cold air made my nose run, so I did a sailor's handkerchief on the street.

by Woody Thomas September 13, 2008

Kansas City Shitty

Term used by Midwesteners back in the 70s, referring to locally grown marijuana, which then was highly inferior in quality. Any "domestic" weed would only be acquired as a last resort if no Mexican was available.

I smoked some of that Kansas City Shitty and all I got was a headache and a sore throat.

by Woody Thomas July 25, 2008

stan the man

The great Stanley Frank Musial of the St. Louis Cardinals, of course. He got the name when a sportswriter overheard a Brooklyn Dodger fan say 'uh-oh, here comes that man again' as Musial was walking to the plate at a game at Ebbetts Field, sometime in the 40s. In 1946 Musial led the National League in games played, at-bats, runs scored, hits, singles, doubles, triples, RBIs, total bases, slugging percentage, and batting average.

Stan the Man went into the Hall of Fame in 1968.

by Woody Thomas July 16, 2008

Jerry's kids

The audience of a Grateful Dead show. A spoof (although not meant to be cruel) of "Jerry's Kids" for whom the Jerry Lewis telethon is held.

When the Dead were in town, all the fast food joints were filled with Jerry's Kids.

by Woody Thomas January 8, 2006

vulva

the most beautiful, delicious thing in the world. More commonly known as the pussy. The vulva is the external part of the pussy, constantly misidentified as a "vagina," which is the inside part.

It's amazing how many people are so uneducated and refer to a vulva as a vagina. Idiots!

by Woody Thomas December 26, 2008