Virgin Suicides's definitions

Iowa Eyes

Also Iowa Lamps or Greenhorns. The way rural newcomers and persons from the provinces stare for prolonged periods of time at urban dwellers, usually with a disbelieving, gawky incredulity. The gaze predictably derives not only from the usual unfamiliarity with the pace, rhythms and protocols of city life, but also an unmistakable unlettered and unsophisticated countenance and temperament.

Sari and I tend to avoid certain urban attractions moreso in the summer than other times of the year. Places like the arcade, central fountain and the boardwalk are simply not pleasurable with all those largely rural, out-of-town tourists out and about. They tend to stare at the locals with those Iowa Eyes or Lamps as if we were circus freaks or zoo animals.

by Virgin Suicides April 4, 2024

fuck you architecture

insincere, inauthentic, dishonest, and ugly building design meant to meet the bare code, legal and zoning requirements for standing domiciles whilst achieving one goal and one goal only : making money off the public and usually in the most blunt, crass and direct way.

Wal-Mart Inc. employs fuck you architecture in almost all of its' stores and surrounding properties.

by Virgin Suicides July 8, 2017

age inappropriate

Any personal action or expression that reveals, often in an unintentionally embarrassing and revelatory way, the emotional, intellectual or physical immaturity of said person.

The U.S. Baby Boomer population has, for most of it's existence on this continent, exhibited nothing but age inappropriate behavior.

Kelly Ripa dresses and acts like a 49 year old 17 year old. She is the very definition of age inappropriate. I think her daughter gave birth to her, actually. Probably in charge of her allowance, too.

Kevin James, Adam Sandler, et al have made whole careers out of age inappropriate behavior. Perhaps they simply can't do any better, boymen that they seem to be.

Forever 21 caters to nothing BUT aging former hotties who possess a deep seated fear of looking like Yasmin Bleeth in all her post - Baywatch glory. Forever 21 is an intentional age inappropriate merchant.

Calling older women cougars or older men leopards is simply excusing age inappropriate dating and sexual behavior. Grow up, why don'tcha !!!

Best age inappropriate line : if the girls you date get any younger, you'll soon be dating sperm.

75 year old man recently seen rocking out at a Katy Perry concert . And no, it wasn't Mick Jagger. Bet he has all her posters up on his wall, too, as well as ring tones, Facebook, Twitter, the works. Age - fucking - inappropriate !!!

Republican presidential nominees for 2016. Age Inappropriate, mostly. Where WERE all the adults ?

by Virgin Suicides April 19, 2017

flambos

any woman with a pair of large, teflon-like, impregnable tits. Not always pretty to look at or even flattering to the figure, but could easily open a revolving door all by themselves, serve as durable floating devices for a small navy, and might even kick your ass if they were used as boxing gloves.

Yow ! Mother of all fucks, look at the flambos on that chicky across the street! Thrilla in Manilla !!!

by Virgin Suicides May 3, 2017

catholic accident

The child caboose in a (roman) catholic family, generally several to many older siblings, normally younger by as many as five years or more. Most know the Church is vehemently against abortion (duh), but it also highly disapproves of birth control, as well. This makes the likelihood of accidental / unplanned births among the most devout families almost an inevitability.

In the O'Callahan family of Medford, there are six children : Mary, Patrick, the identical twins Rory and Maile, Kathleen, and Kevin. Did I forget someone ? Oh, yes, a seventh - Edward, called Teddy by everyone else, although the twins jokingly refer to him as John Thomas behind his back as he is seven years (!) behind the next youngest sibling. Teddy is the caboose of the family, or more appropriately, the Catholic Accident, as his birth was something of a surprise (i.e., unplanned).

by Virgin Suicides April 17, 2017

big haired ladies of the 'eighties

all those grand and glorious hairstyles women of that era publicly sported - without shame or embarrassment, evidently - only to find themselves forever running scared (especially from new husbands, new boyfriends or partners) of any or all damning photo evidence of such "unfortunate fashion choices" ever seeing the light of day.

New Girlfriend : Ha-ha ! Your mother showed me your high school graduation photo the other day. Boy, did you sport QUITE the mullet back in the day ! What - making certain your football helmet fit nice and snug ? LOL
Me : Sez you ! Have you forgotten what YOU looked like ? Judging from YOUR grad photo, I thought you were one of the Bangles or maybe Sara Jessica Parker's stunt double from 'Square Pegs'.
New Girlfriend : Eeeeeewwwwwww !!!!!! You actually SAW it ?! OMFG - I thought I had burned every known copy of that horrid pic ! Now you'll probably break up with me knowing I once ever looked like that ! I'm cursed, Cursed, CURSED !!!
Me : Big haired ladies of the 'eighties ! LOL

by Virgin Suicides August 13, 2017

NIT

1. Acronym for the National Invitation Tournament, a men's college basketball tournament held in New York City's Madison Square Garden every March at season's end.
2. As it is considered secondary to the more prestigious NCAA men's tourney, it is often thought of as the championship for 73rd place, as the NCAA selects the top 72 college teams in the country, leaving the NIT to choose from the next best 32 teams.
3. What most average American Joes are actually living to achieve in their rather ordinary, mundane lives, whether consciously aware of it or not.

Gus : y'know Zach, when you really get down to it, most of us muckety-mucks are struggling every day just to get that NIT bid of life.
Zach : what ? Y'mean we're all out here battling for a spot between 73rd and 105th place ?

Gus : Yep.
Zach : you could be right, partner.

by Virgin Suicides May 21, 2017