Two Hep Cats's definitions

Theory of Maximum Foolishness

The world will arrange itself to make you--personally--feel maximally foolish.

Murphy's Law is a subset of the Theory of Maximum Foolishness. ML says "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong." Often, that is true. However, the TOMF says that if something can go RIGHT that would make you look MORE foolish, then that is what will happen.

For example, ML predicts that bread will always fall butter-side down. But, if I TELL YOU it will fall butter-side down, when I go to actually SHOW YOU, the bread will fall butter-side up, making me feel maximally foolish.

The TOMF is true, but neither verifiable nor falsifiable to others because, whatever conditions you establish to test it, only YOU will know if the result made you feel maximally foolish. Of course it will, but only you will know that.

by Two Hep Cats October 16, 2009

DonTcare

DONald Trump-Care. (pron. "Don-T-Care") The Republican "replacement" for Obamacare. Hey--it's the plan that doesn't give a shit about you, your health, or your bank account (except for emptying it and handing it over to rich folks).

I have no health insurance. I have DonTcare--"The Closest Thing to Nothing"

by Two Hep Cats March 25, 2017

Phart

One of those smelly little "silent-but-deadly" ads that pops up in one corner of the TV screen 30 seconds into the program, after you've already endured 5 minutes of regular ads.

AMC used to be a great channel until they started pharting.

by Two Hep Cats October 10, 2009

Milch Cow Theory

The theory that the 99% exist only to serve the needs of the wealthiest 1%, as if the majority of people are simply cows to be milked.

The modus operandi of Fox News demonstrates that Rupert Murdoch subscribes to the Milch Cow Theory.

by Two Hep Cats January 7, 2012

Aspirin between my knees

To make some phenomenal gaffe or faux pas, similar to putting your foot in your mouth.

Man, I really put the aspirin between my knees yesterday. I told Jen that her new dress made her look fat.

by Two Hep Cats April 19, 2012

videophart

An unstoppable video that begins on a Web page, no matter what your browser settings for video auto-play are, and can only be stopped manually. The most insidious versions can't be stopped at all.

CNN has started using videopharts. Doesn't matter how you set your browser, they load and begin playing automatically until you manually shut them off.

by Two Hep Cats June 23, 2017

RGP

Rich Guy Propaganda. A principle of life that every educated person needs to know--that Rich Guys use the principles of propaganda to fool the gullible into thinking that what's good for the rich is good for them.

Notice how, during every election, Rich Guys repackage trickle-down economics and try to sell it all over again? It's nothing but RGP bullshit, lipstick on the same old, greedy pig.

by Two Hep Cats April 14, 2013