Two Hep Cats's definitions

Phart

One of those smelly little "silent-but-deadly" ads that pops up in one corner of the TV screen 30 seconds into the program, after you've already endured 5 minutes of regular ads.

AMC used to be a great channel until they started pharting.

by Two Hep Cats October 10, 2009

Texbook

Any school textbook that filters reality through a fancifully enthusiastic neo-conservative agenda.

Copping a page from the Iranian Playbook, the Texas Board of Education removed Thomas Jefferson from Texbooks because he believed in the separation of church and state.

by Two Hep Cats March 17, 2010

deranged

What happens to vaqueros who leave the prairie too quickly.

Jorge galloped off the ranch an' got hisself deranged. Boy's brain was plumb pasturized. Too mas loco weed, pendejo.

by Two Hep Cats January 4, 2013

asstorrhoid

A hemorrhoid the size of a meteor. And twice as hot.

I can't go horseback riding with you tomorrow, dude.

Why not?

Asstorrhoids.

by Two Hep Cats October 30, 2010

Postaholic

An attention-seeker who compulsively, addictively blogs or posts to a social networking site many times a day.

Sarah's a postaholic. Six, seven times a day she pathetically pukes out where she is, what she's eating, what she's watching on TV. Who gives a flying fork?

by Two Hep Cats July 10, 2011

Overbooking

Overposting on Facebook. An ego disorder leading people to believe their friends want to hear from them more than once or twice a week.

Dude, I'm totally progressive. But, when you Outrage-Post 19 political articles and videos in 3 hours--that's Overbooking!

by Two Hep Cats April 13, 2011

Theory of Maximum Foolishness

The world will arrange itself to make you--personally--feel maximally foolish.

Murphy's Law is a subset of the Theory of Maximum Foolishness. ML says "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong." Often, that is true. However, the TOMF says that if something can go RIGHT that would make you look MORE foolish, then that is what will happen.

For example, ML predicts that bread will always fall butter-side down. But, if I TELL YOU it will fall butter-side down, when I go to actually SHOW YOU, the bread will fall butter-side up, making me feel maximally foolish.

The TOMF is true, but neither verifiable nor falsifiable to others because, whatever conditions you establish to test it, only YOU will know if the result made you feel maximally foolish. Of course it will, but only you will know that.

by Two Hep Cats October 16, 2009