ToddUncommon's definitions

Boomer Flu

The fully contracted flu illness brought on by exposure to coronavirus COVID-19. Since the most vulnerable people to the virus are the old, fat, and unwell, that puts Baby Boomers squarely in the cross-hairs of the pandemic. The disease is lethal to about 2% of all victims, but is lethal to at least 5% of any loser born before 1960, and higher if you have heart disease, high blood pressure, diabeetus, asthma, gout, goiters, conservative politics, or general stupidity. See also: Trump Flu

"I think nana may have come down with the Boomer Flu!"
"Why?"
"She's super sick, and she just got back from her Asian cruise and brought back all this dirty paper money!"

by ToddUncommon March 9, 2020

Trump Flu

The name of the fully contracted illness brought on by coronavirus COVID-19. Since the disease is most deadly to the old, fat, and unwell the current president easily fits into the vulnerable demographic. As the same time, his vainglorious incompetence is largely responsible for the rapid increase of COVID-19 infections and cases of Trump Flu. Also known as Boomer Flu.

"I just got back from a seniors' cruise, and I feel horrible. I think I may have caught Trump Flu!"

by ToddUncommon March 9, 2020

COVID Babies

Sick children, between the ages of 5 and 15, who are home due to school closures, playing online video games (like Fortnite) and audibly coughing, sniffling, and sneezing. See also #sweaty fever child

tiny voice "Ashhpplzz! *snif* Anybody got a mic? Helloo? *koff* *koff* Anyone got a mic? Nobody? *snif*"
older voice "Aww, another one of these COVID babies. I knew you were a sweat."

by ToddUncommon March 24, 2020

Fapsbook

Another name for the world's foremost social networking circle-jerk website, where members expose themselves and flog and flagellate their most annoying parts for all to see, whether you like it or not.

Hey, did you see that Becky just 'liked' her own noonie on Fapsbook?

by ToddUncommon March 20, 2011

Bagel-faced Dipshit

The 45th President of the United States of America.

Teacher: "Class, who is the current President of the US?"
Dustin: "Donald Trump?"
Teacher: "Close. Anyone else?"
Bianca: "Some bagel-faced dipshit?"
Teacher: "Correct!"

by ToddUncommon March 20, 2020

Uncertain Times

The mealy-mouthed, weasel-worded, chickenshit phrasing that brand advertising likes to believe is "reassuring" about massively negative global events, instead of using real words about what may be going on, like "pandemic" and/or "economic crisis" and/or "presidential incompetence".

Singular form: "(this) difficult time"

"In these "uncertain times", disposable toilet seat covers are more critical than ever, like airlines and vacation cruises. Remember, sometimes the only thing between you and a coronavirus droplet might be a Big Johnson Ass Gasket."

by ToddUncommon March 30, 2020

touch pee-pee

Applied to soccer, it occurs when one or more players of the same team is playing unintelligently or inattentively, such as dribbling aimlessly in their backfield, as young children may idly play with their own or each other's genitals, regardless of gender.

It also can be applied in general to any activity where at least one person is blissfully but dangerously not paying attention to something critical.

Soccer: You two, stop playing touch pee-pee and move the ball up the field!

Life: Hey, you! Quit playing touch pee-pee and help me lift this into the truck!

by ToddUncommon June 29, 2010